Time for Another (Mother Runner) Q&A
Dimity and her straight jacket neck pillow…
Enough with Sarah and Dimity: We invite mother runners into the conversation, in the form of questions culled from our Facebook page. We tell Nicole she really should ease back into running after an injury with a run/walk program; we give Letty and Alissa the 411 on marathon prerequisites; and we talk a lot about acceptance of size, shape, and pace when self-described “bigger and slower” Carolyn asks about making peace with bringing up the rear. But first the gals share their excitement about heading to Disney Princess Half-Marathon! (Shhhh, don’t tell Sarah’s kids: Mom’s fibbed, saying she’s heading to Houston.)
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Solo Parenting & Running: 6 Ways to Make It Happen
Mother runner Melinda and her family in 2012. This spring, her husband will leave for a year-long deployment, but Melinda is determined to keep up with her running.
Melinda Kunz realizes her everyday routine is about to change drastically with her husband being deployed this March for one year. This “unexpected and unwanted news” also means adjusting a running routine that has included her husband. “Not only is he my biggest cheerleader, but he trains and frequently races with me,” Melinda says.
Still, like other AMR tribe members who are shouldering the bulk of parenting duties, whether as military spouses or otherwise, Melinda is determined to keep lacing up her running shoes. “I’m determined to still race this year, including another full marathon this fall.”
Melinda running the Chosen: Marathon for Adoption in New Braunfels, Texas in October 2012.
She turned to the AMR community via our Facebook page not long ago for support, and as always, mother runners responded with awesome ideas. We’ve gathered some of the best ways single moms are getting it done—at home caring for their kiddos and for themselves, at the gym, on the treadmill and out on the road and trails:
Ask for Help.
Simple enough, but, yep, not always easy to do, we all know too well. Keep in mind this sage advice from mother runner Emily J.: “There’s never anything wrong with asking for help – a year is a long time and friends would be happy to help in any way.” Another oft-repeated suggestion: try swapping babysitting duties with neighbors and friends. Chances are they could use some extra breathing space, too. “I help out other moms as often as possible so I don’t feel (as) bad about asking for help when I ‘need’ a run on the weekends or someone to pick up my daughter at school,” says Sheryl M., single mom to 9-year-old Elizabeth.
Grab the bikes & scooters:
Solo runs are amazing when you can get ‘em, but having our kids join us is better than no run at all, right? Everyone gets some fresh air and exercise. Or, find someplace where they can play and you can run. “We have a local park with a .3-mile loop around it,” says the mother runner known as Mom and Running It on FB. “I’ve run lap after lap after lap while the kiddos have played.”
Make friends with the ‘mill.
Mother runner Cyndie suggested checking online for an inexpensive treadmill, if you don’t have one already. “I just got a pretty good one—a little dinged up, but works great!” she says. Others said joining gyms with childcare options helped keep them stick with their training (and save their sanity).
Hire a sitter (no guilt allowed!).
Find a reliable teen in your neighborhood and make a babysitting schedule for when your kids aren’t in school—this is especially helpful for long runs, several mother runners shared. It’s not selfish—it’s necessary, more than one poster said. Another idea: have your oldest take on more responsibility and watch the younger ones. Says mother runner Steph, “this could be a great opportunity for her to grow as she is entrusted with that responsibility.”
Mother runner and single mom Sheryl & her daughter Elizabeth.
Demonstrate your passion for running to your kids.
We love this story shared by Sheryl M., whose 9-year-old daughter Elizabeth knows all too well the importance of mom fitting in a run (Sheryl keeps running clothes and shoes in the car and will run during her daughter’s dance class or playdate as well as during basketball practice and Girl Scout meetings): as Sheryl’s birthday approached, Elizabeth asked her mom if there was anything “from the Mom running group” that she wanted. “She liked the T-shirts ‘It’s all good, I ran today’ and ‘If you don’t have anything nice to say, go for a run.‘” How cool that Elizabeth “gets” her mom! “Making myself a priority, as a single mom working full time, is a daily challenge,” Sheryl says, “and it’s wonderful having a group like Another Mother Runner as a great reminder … Single parenting is hard, but I’m a better mom and a happier person when I work out, eat well, and get enough sleep most of the time. My daughter knows how important fitness is to me and that makes a huge difference, too.”
Run with a group.
Never underestimate the power of getting out there with fellow mother runners. “I’m a single mum and the group I train with makes all the difference on the motivation side of things,” says mother runner Brigitte L. “They were my biggest fans when training for my first marathon last year. And I am sure if I’d asked, they would have minded my kids, too.” (Brigitte ran early, when her kids were asleep or had her parents there to help out). Looking for a running group or a BRF? Check out our AMR forums here.
Tell Me Tuesday: How To Party with Another Mother Runner
A neat half-dozen mother runners.
You may have seen the pics on our Facebook page of the 10 house parties—a bunch of our tribe getting together for drinks, nibbles, laughs, motivation, race stories, great giveaways and amazing swag bags—we co-hosted in 2012. The shindigs were so much fun that we’re ramping up for round II in 2013, and we’d love for you to join us. We promise, they’re a blast even if you come solo…after all, you already have miles of potential conversation with other guests.
The food alone is worth coming for.
The parties are usually on a weeknight, start around 7, and end by 9:30, which means you’ll be in bed by 10. Which means it’s a late night for me, Dimity. But it’s a sacrifice I’m happy to make.
A posse of running mothers: How could you not want to spend a couple hours with them?
Here are the tentative places we’ll be; we’re doing our best to hit new places of the country. If you live in a nearby area or will be in a city on the designated date, please request an invite through this link.
The only repeats are PDX, Chi-berg, and D.C.
So many smiles; reminds me of a finish line.
Finally, we typically have a mother runner co-host a party with us; if that’s something that’s appealing to you, email us at runmother at gmail dot com, and we’ll let you know the details. And if that is a statement you laugh at (hosting a party is appealing? I’d rather run a marathon), no worries. We still want to see your mother runner smiling face—and those of your friends. (Feel free to forward this to them!)
Again, here is the form to request an invitation. (Don’t be shy!)
A Runner Finds Herself—and Her Health
These charts have lit up our Facebook page over the past 15 weeks.
This email landed in our inbox this weekend, and we couldn’t not share. (And I couldn’t not write a worser constructed sentence.)
Anyway, reading the entry made me think of Magaret Meade’s insightful quote: Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it’s the only thing that ever has.
Tweak it in an AMR way to get something like this: Never doubt that a small, thoughtful shift in perspective can’t change your world. Indeed, it’s the only way to start, as the writer below proves.
“Minnie White” has been a regular poster on our Facebook page, sharing her sticker charts and making slow and steady progress through the Half-Marathon: Finish It Plan. She celebrated when she hit double digits, she couldn’t believe she ran in the rain. Through every nutritional change and every mile, she shed another layer and became closer to her truth.
Who am I?
I’ve asked myself that question so many times over the last 14 months. The answers continue to change.
In December, 2011 when I asked myself that, the answers sounded something like this: I am obese. I am unhealthy. I am irresponsible. I am uncomfortable in my body and in my clothes. I am embarrassed of myself. I am insecure. I am becoming my parents. I am afraid. I am lazy. I am ashamed of who I have let myself become. I am a failure.
Yes, I could still smile and laugh with friends and family, but on the inside I was miserable and crying. I moved nowhere fast but was “running” headlong toward diabetes and poor health, following closely the path my parents had trod to their death and assuming that was my destiny.
“Who am I?” The answers were discouraging and I felt helpless to change and full of fear to try one more time.
“Who am I?” I decided that even though all those things were true, I was not a quitter and must try again.
The journey began with the book, Death to Diabetes by DeWayne McCulley. While reading his book, I realized diabetes was not an inevitable part of my future. Just because it consumed my parents’ lives did not mean it had to consume mine.
Next, it was Joe Cross and Phil Staples who showed me that change was possible. Their movie “Fat, Sick, and Nearly Dead” inspired me to take responsibility for myself and do what I could do. I did a 60-day juice fast and it was the best thing physically I have ever done for myself. Was it easy? No, but the difficulties and frustrations were eased by the support and encouragement received from fellow juicers on a Facebook page, where I received both recipes and motivation.
While drinking juice and wondering what would come next, I read a lot. Dr. Joel Fuhrman’s book, Eat to Live showed me that I had spent my whole life living to eat while being addicted to excessive amounts of food and drink, but that it didn’t have to continue that way. There is a tremendous community of “Nutritarians” on Facebook who have chosen to live to eat and are wonderfully supportive of each other.
Then the movie “Forks over Knives” that explained with undeniable and compelling facts that my previous way of eating and living would only lead to heart disease, diabetes, cancer, etc., but that there is a better, more reasonable path that really isn’t as extreme as it may at first appear.
I was never one to feel at ease or comfortable in the kitchen—I had about three recipes that were proven stand-bys that I could make for company or take to church suppers—much less in experimenting with new recipes or even searching them out. But Lindsay Nixon, a.k.a. the Happy Herbivore, I own—and actually use—cookbooks on a regular basis. Her marvelous recipes are simple for a novice like me to follow, and the transition from fasting to eating was easy and delicious.
The woman in white—and her pals, Jean and Leslie— discovering who she is, step by step.
In January 2012, two dear friends and I began to move….I don’t know that anyone else would call it running exactly, but that’s what we attempted to do. We followed the Couch Potato to 5K program for nine weeks. Upon its completion, we kept running, gradually going farther and getting faster. I stumbled upon another mother runner and immediately felt at home in this “tribe” of women who were seemingly ordinary, but at the same time inspiring other ordinary women to do extraordinary things. It was here that I learned “I am stronger than I thought.”
Countless times I have found myself in various situations with the same haunting question:
“Who am I?” I thought as I purchased a juicer and proceeded to juice things like kale, spinach, beets, and carrots, along with bushels of green apples.
“Who am I?” I thought as I wandered in health food stores wide-eyed and curious looking for items unfamiliar to me and never before found in my grocery cart.
“Who am I?” I thought as I eagerly purchased cookbooks and stayed up late reading them and anticipating the delicious food I would soon prepare and consume.
“Who am I?” I thought as I searched the sporting goods store for articles of clothing that had previously been foreign to me but were now necessities….running tights, wicking t-shirts, a GPS watch.
“Who am I?” I thought as I purposely got up early on Saturday mornings to run 10 miles or more and thoroughly relished the whole experience.
“Who am I?” I thought as I run in the rain, smiling and laughing like a kid while I splash along.
“Who am I?” Minnie White?
Well, that’s not completely untrue. That name is a combination of a nickname for my middle name and my maiden name, but it’s not really who I am. I needed a safe place to figure things out, ask dumb questions, celebrate success and be encouraged to keep going on difficult days. I made an additional Facebook account where I could be unknown. I was doing battle with life-long physical and emotional dragons while rethinking and analyzing everything I had ever known about health and nutrition. I felt I couldn’t do this in the public eye and under the close scrutiny of my real Facebook page. So I chose to hide behind a picture of old shoes and socks and enjoy the safety of anonymity.
When I ask myself, “Who am I?” these days, answers are different:
I am eating to live. I am following a whole food, plant-based diet. I am living every day “plant strong.” I am overweight, but no longer obese. I have lost 75 pounds and I have every reason to believe the numbers on the scale will continue to go down. I am happy. I am facing the future unafraid and in the best health of my life. I am not my parents. I am energetic. I am more confident. I am a runner. I just completed a half marathon and plan to do so again in three weeks.
The question is not going away for the rest of my life, and the answers will continue to change with each new season of my life. But I know this two things are certain: I will continue to run the course set before me, and I will run with perseverance.
Who am I? I am Alice Barnett.
The real Alice, all medal and all smile. We’re proud like mothers.
The One Where They’re Both Injured
You may know these as “sprinkle chips” or if you’re British, “Hundreds and Thousands.” (There must be a story behind that one.)
The unthinkable—but the inevitable—has happened: Dimity and Sarah are injured at the same time. The mother runners talk about what’s causing them pain and keeping them awake at night, then they divulge the treatment alternatives they’re pursuing. Based on personal experience, they share the importance of listening to your gut and finding a trusted practitioner (giving rise to a new category in our AMR Connect forums). But first Dimity tells about making a treacly kid-toffee that even her 9-year-old daughter dubbed, “too rich,” and the gals discover the correct pronunciation of, “nonpareil.”
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Getting into the Training Groove: It’s Not Always Pretty
I’m feeling it now, but it wasn’t the smoothest of starts for marathon training #4. (Beth, one of my BRFs and a professional photographer, snapped this picture of me earlier this month. She captured a blissful moment for sure!)
I may scratch my head more often than I’d care to admit while helping my 10-year-old with his fifth-grade math homework, but the answer to the equation I’m about to share is a no-brainer:
5 snow days in less than 2 weeks + 1 deadline-heavy work month + 1 twinge-y/tight calf muscle and tender Achilles + 1 very fun, much-needed girls’ (late) night out (worth it, but ouch) = 1 out-of-whack start to marathon training.
Or, put another way: Nearly one month into the Train Like a Mother Marathon Own It Plan, I just didn’t feel like I was making any traction … that is, until this week.
This week, oh, things are finally gelling. I logged a 15-miler last weekend—no small feat given dynamics explained above along with even-my-eyelashes-are-frozen single-digit temps outside. But I powered through, thanks in part to the appearance of glorious sunshine that come winter in Michigan likes to hide for days-long stretches.
Rounding that final corner of my long run, surging toward my driveway, I felt triumphant and more sure than I had in a long time of my strength and determination to have a great race come May. It was my longest run in nearly a year. Completing it, experiencing that familiar good-sore feeling the rest of the day, was such a confidence booster. Yes. That’s what I needed.
The days following proved just as good training-wise: 5 solo nice and easy miles Monday; 4 snowy trail miles with BRF and hill queen Jen on Wednesday; 6.5 trail/road miles Thursday. The plan calls for 4-5 miles today and a long run of 13 this weekend. I’m looking forward to getting another double-digit run on the books.
No doubt my lower leg tightness—it came on following a rockin’ fun snowshoe race—played a big role in my slow start. Active Release Technique (ART) therapy helped tremendously, as did altering my training plan. I didn’t follow the first two weeks of the Own It plan to a T and I’m so happy with my decision. (thank you again, SBS, for your wise counsel about taking it easy and not freaking out. Because I definitely was starting to freak out.) I took several days off from running, had a successful hurts-so-good ART session, tried a new sport for some cross-training (skate skiing) and completed my second-ever hot yoga session (too hot for me, yet strangely cleansing).
And, I must add that it’s been so great having fellow mother runners share encouragement and training updates on Twitter using hashtag TLAM2013. If you haven’t yet joined the conversation, please consider doing so—training ups and downs are always better shared, and I can say with certainty that receiving a message from a fellow BAMR such as “Look at you! What a great run and effort!” or reading about someone’s fantastic run makes a big difference. It’s helping keep me focused and on track. No math required.
You can find me on Twitter here. (Also be sure to follow the new-ish @TheMotherRunner account, which Sarah and Dimity both contribute to.)