AMR Gears Up: Best Form-Fitting Running Shorts
Welcome to the next edition of Another Mother Runner Gears Up: we have #motherrunners put key running gear to the test, then deliver the results to you so you can grab the gear that works best for your running and body.
As temperatures rise and legs go bare, we—and our intrepid BAMRbassador testers—set out to find the very best running shorts on the market. But we weren’t on the hunt for traditional running shorts.
Instead, we wanted to focus on form-fitting running shorts that we’ve spotted in all the running stores—and on the road and at expos—lately. They’re trending for good reason: The style is high on function. Not only do they stay put, they also eliminate (almost) any chance of chafing, and have plenty of storage for phones, gels, and other must-haves.
We found five pairs of form-fitting shorts that AMR testers would recommend to a friend. If you’re looking to expand your running shorts wardrobe, consider this list a starting point for your shopping.
Brooks’ Greenlight 7” Short Tight
Tester Rating: 4
Review: “These are absolutely set-it-and-forget-it shorts,” according to one tester, who also raved about the compressive fabric, 7” length, and pockets, including one that’s sweat-resistant.
Price: $46
Perfect For: Long runs, races, and any run where you don’t want to stress about your shorts staying in place
Grab them here: brooksrunning.com
Senita Athletics High Waisted Rio Shorts
Tester Rating: 4
Review: “These shorts were soft and comfy, with just enough hold to feel secure but not too tight in both the waist and legs.” The 7” length, soft fabric, pockets sweet price point, and fit made these shorts winners.
Price: $22
Perfect For: At such a reasonable price, these are great for anytime
Grab them here: senitaathletics.com
Asics Cool 2-N-1 Short
Tester Rating: 4
Review: “These fit like a glove and perform even better. The compression shorts kept my muscular thighs happily apart from each other, and the mesh shorts gave the ensemble a sleek look,” according to one tester who had never before tried a 2-in-1 style. Needless to say, she’s now a fan! Our testers appreciated the wide waistband and soft fabric but would have appreciated an additional pocket besides the small leg pocket.
Price: $55
Perfect For: Runners who want more, no-chafe coverage than you get from booty shorts alone
Grab them here: asics.com
Skirt Sports Redemption Shorties
Tester Rating: 3
Review: “These were snug and didn’t move. I like the compressive feeling, as well as the wide, comfortable waistband, and pockets.” The Redemption Shorties have a 6” inseam and have recently been updated with the addition of a drawcord. Since these are compression shorts, and one tester said the bottom hem was too tight on her legs, be sure to try on for size.
Price: $48
Perfect for: Those who like mid-length, compression running shorts
Grab them here: skirtsports.com
SparkleSkirts Navy SparkleBottoms Too
Tester Rating: 3
Review: “The 6” inseam was the perfect length, even Goldilocks would say so. Not too long, not too short,” said one tester who also loved the medium compression, soft and silky fabric, and thigh pockets big enough to hold a large phone! These shorts stayed put on the run and had a handy drawstring with toggle that hides away in an “ingenious” zipper pocket.
Price: $58
Perfect For: Running and spin class
Grab them here: sparkeskirts.com
Check out all of the AMR Gears Up Columns Here!
Did we miss your favorite pair of form-fitting shorts?
Let us know in the comments below!
#361: Weighty Matters, Pt. I: Belly Fat + Maintaining Significant Weight Loss
In the first of a 2-part weight-loss series: Sarah and Dimity chat with two real-world mother runners about their weight-management concerns, plus the duo are joined by registered dietitian Ellie Kempton, who weighs in with insight and advice.
The first guest is Jennifer Summers, a nurse and a mom of one, who is infuriated by her belly fat. Jennifers laments how she made herself miserable logging calories. She details her numerous attempts to drop some pounds, saying, “everything worked for a little bit, but nothing was something I could maintain for the rest of my life.” She also talks about the loss of mental focus and “estrogen-oomph” she felt while riding the menopause rollercoaster. Ellie talks at length about the importance of looking “one layer deeper at the hormonal symphony,” which Dimity quickly re-dubs a “cacophony.” (Well played, Dim!) After explaining why stress can have such a negative impact on weight, Ellie shares numerous tips for managing stress in everyday life.
The final guest is Emily Cooley, a Colorado mom of two whose doctor told her about three years ago that she was morbidly obese. In a one-on-one conversation with Dimity (due to technical difficulties), Emily details how she lost 100 pounds in a university weight-loss study—and how she’s kept the weight off in the ensuing 3+ years. The Coloradans talk about Emily’s upcoming training for her first marathon.
In the intro, the SBS and Dim talk about the latest goings-on of their artistically inclined teen sons. The weight-loss conversation begins at 14:15.
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Weighty Matters: Dry Martini Chimes In
Welcome to the week of Weighty Matters: a website- and podcast- series devoted to weight-related issues that have popped up among the #motherrunner crowd and seem to have resonated. Today, columnist Adrienne Martini chimes in.
Running has been both the best way to manage my insecurities about my weight and the worst. Ninety-nine percent of the time, I don’t fixate on what I look like. I’ve finally reached peace with the body I am increasingly honored to be in. The remaining 1 percent of the time is a work in progress.
Sure, my body has its quirks. My immune system finds spring pollen to be an affront it shall not bear quietly. My lower back and bladder, while not all they once were before the two babies, work just well enough to avoid a trip to an actual medical professional. Lately, my digestive system has been a bit irritable but, I mean, aren’t we all at times? All of my body’s current inconveniences have more to do with how it functions and less to do with how it appears.
That might be a function of age. I’ve reached one where friends and family and friends who are essentially family have bodies that are actively falling apart. There’ve been so many kinds of cancer, strokes, and heart attacks in my circle lately. My body functions is pretty awesome by comparison. For now, anyway.
My body can also carry me for miles and miles and miles, with nothing more complicated that a decent pair of shoes, a bra, some water, and a few calories. That is a miracle, right? And one that should be more than enough for any woman.
And yet.
Despite the fact that I was running a dang marathon, I still think my midsection looks enormous in this picture. Brains are jerks.
I was a super skinny kid until I hit my double-digit years. There was a lot going on in the early ’80s, starting with my parent’s divorce (which, frankly, was the best choice they could have made in the long run) and puberty and changing schools and, you know, growing up. Food was my friend. My favorite after-school treat was to sit down with a box of sugary cereal, a bowl, and a carton of milk and eat until I started to feel OK enough to tackle my homework.
(There’s a lot to unpack here. Know that I have during many (many) therapy sessions. Simple carbs, as it turns out, are not a substitute for self-esteem or a cure for depression. I’m shocked, too.)
The summer between high school and college, I weighed 200-ish pounds. True story: I was once out to dinner where I was trying to impress a boy I had a crush on. I dropped some piece of cutlery, bent under the table to pick it up, and split the inside leg seam of my pants. That’s a hard one to maintain your allure through.
I lost the weight by starting college. Turns out that a change of scenery and some freedom was a good diet for me. My weight has bounced around since then but never reached that high school high point. Still, in my head, I’ve always been the 200-plus pound version of myself.
I love posing for pictures at expos; I hate looking at them afterward.
Here’s where I’m supposed to say, “until I started running.” That would be, at best, a half-truth. While running has proven that my body is strong and capable (and helped me keep my weight in a medically advisable range), spending time around runners can be a wee bit triggering. One look at Shalane or Deena or, hell, SBS and Dimity brings back all of those feeling of being too big to be worthy of success and love.
Our brains like to level-set, by which I mean, we tend to compare ourselves to those around us to figure out how we’re doing compared to the rest of the world. When I’m in the grocery store or an airport, I feel like I look like everyone else, if maybe a little sleepier. But when I’m at an Expo before a race, I feel like the Stay-Puft marshmallow man, which is exactly the burst of confidence you want right before a race.
I get fixated my upper arm being about the size of a speedy female runner’s thigh. That my feet stop moving before my boobs do. And that the sound of my shoes hitting the ground is a mighty one. Given how many years I spent believing that I took up too much space, letting these comparisons go is rough. This groove has been well worn in my brain.
Which isn’t to say that I’m not getting better about it. A more finely tuned sense of perspective is an advantage of age and experience. My body is just that: mine. It’s doing just great, all things considered, despite years and years of the media and my own mind telling me that it was worthless. Even if I have my moments where I let comparison (the thief of joy) raise his toxic head, I’ve made significant progress, one loud step at a time. Not toward perfection, because that’s just not a thing, but towards ease with all of me.
Weighty Matters, Part IV: Maintaining Major Weight Loss During Marathon Training
Welcome to the week of Weighty Matters.
A website- and podcast- series devoted to weight-related issues that have popped up among the #motherrunner crowd and seem to have resonated.
In each of the website series, we pose the issue and then offer perspective and tips from an expert. The #motherrunner + the expert will then discuss the situation and thoughts on an Another Mother Runner podcast: the two episodes will air on April 26 and May 3.
Because we don’t want to leave them—or you—hanging we will then follow up with the #motherrunners on posts the week of June 24 and a podcast on June 28 to see how integrating the expert tips + perspective worked for them.
Emily after a recent 5K.
WEIGHTY MATTERS:
MAINTAINING MAJOR WEIGHT LOSS THROUGH MARATHON TRAINING
I met Emily at a Skirt Sports event in March, and she told me about her inspiring journey that includes losing 100 pounds and setting her sights on a marathon.
After having two kids and hitting a weight of 240 pounds post-pregnancy, she got a wake-up call when her doctor told her she was morbidly obese. “It really scared me,” the 40-year old admits.
In February of 2016, she started on a weight loss study at the University of Colorado. Over the course of 14 months, she lost 100 pounds (about 25 pounds every 3 months), and she began running about halfway through the program. “I participated in a 5K,” she says, “Even though I walked the whole thing, I was so emotional at the finish line. I knew this was something I wanted to keep doing.” The study was two years total, so it was about one year of weight loss, one year of follow-up and support. (Read: it was far from the weeks typically given on The Biggest Loser.)
Emily ran he first half-marathon in January in Carlsbad, California, and has two big races on the rest of her schedule for 2019: another half-marathon in July in and the St. George Marathon in early October. In addition to the challenge of the regimented training cycles, she wants to be sure she’s taking care of her nutritional needs and stays in balance, weight- and metabolism-wise.
Emily at her first 5K.
THE EXPERT WEIGHS IN:
“Emily has done an amazing job,” says Stephanie Howe Violett, Ph.D. in exercise and sports nutrition, elite ultra runner, and the Ultra Coach in the Train Like a Mother Club. “Somebody who has lost weight and kept it off for nearly three years has worked really hard and been very consistent.”
As Emily ramps up for longer distances, Stephanie weighs in with general advice for people who have lost a significant amount (50+ pounds) of weight and want to challenge themselves to a long-distance race without compromising their weight loss or performance:
Lose the I-ran-18-miles-so-I-get-a-hall-pass It has no place in your marathon training cycle. (And in truth, it doesn’t belong in most training cycles. “It’s really easy to overconsume when you’re doing higher volume training,” says Howe, “The occasional indulgence is fine, but it should be done typically much less than people think.”) Continue to follow the strategies—could be an app or a journal or whatever accountability method has worked for you—you’ve used to maintain your weight, knowing there isn’t much wiggle room despite your upcoming extra mileage.
Maintain your diligence about your caloric intake. Sounds harsh, but it’s important to realize that your daily consumption will go up [see below] but not by much. You’re looking for a balance between properly fueling your training demands without further suppressing your metabolic system. Significant weight loss requires suppressing the metabolism; if you don’t feed your marathon-training body properly, it will want to hold onto weight again.
Eat the same meals as you typically do. Hoping, of course, that you already eat three meals. If not, start to integrate three meals so you can support the energy demands of both your day-to-day life and your training. The meals should be packed with high-nutrient foods like vegetables, high-quality proteins (chicken, fish, turkey, beans, eggs and dairy products), whole grains, good fats (nuts, oils, fish, avocados) and fruits.
Emily and her cute family after they all 5K’ed.
And supplement with additional calories of nutrient-dense foods. Based on Emily’s weight, Stephanie recommends an additional 200-500 calories a day. On a long run day, she should veer towards the 500 calories; on a normal weekday training run, 200-250 is a good target. Those additional calories shouldn’t necessarily be added to meals, but rather as a snack before a mid-morning run, or a post-run recovery snack.
Hall Pass, Part I. One time you may pull out a hall pass? Immediately after a long run. While what you consume counts towards your daily calories, your belly might not feel ready for peanut butter on whole wheat. If something like a glass of carb- and protein-rich chocolate milk sounds good, have at it.
Definitely pay attention to your hunger. If you get hungry, be sure to listen to your body and eat so your metabolism continues to behave. When you tune into your body and realize you’re hungry, reach for real foods—not a bar or other packaged foods—that will fill you up but aren’t super energy dense. In addition, be sure to include some protein for satiety. Some suggestions: carrots and hummus, or an apple with a handful of nuts.
Hall Pass, Part II. Don’t count the calories that come from gels, chews, sports drinks or other things consumed on the run towards daily caloric intake; you’ll be burning enough energy on the run to minimize their overall effect.
Finally, don’t forget that you are marathon training—and human. Give yourself an occasional splurge: a glass of wine with girlfriends, a piece of cake for a birthday. Stephanie suggests one day a week, and again, being fairly regimented about the frequency of how often you splurge. That way, you can enjoy the treat, knowing that you’re not sidelining your marathon training or your metabolism.
Any words of encouragement—or advice for—Emily as she takes starts her first round of marathon training?
Welcome to the week of Weighty Matters.
A website- and podcast- series devoted to weight-related issues that have popped up among the #motherrunner crowd and seem to have resonated.
In each of the website series, we pose the issue and then offer perspective and tips from an expert. The #motherrunner + the expert will then discuss the situation and thoughts on an Another Mother Runner podcast: the two episodes will air on April 26 and May 3.
Because we don’t want to leave them—or you—hanging we will then follow up with the #motherrunners on posts the week of June 24 and a podcast on June 28 to see how integrating the expert tips + perspective worked for them.
Emily after a recent 5K.
WEIGHTY MATTERS:
MAINTAINING MAJOR WEIGHT LOSS THROUGH MARATHON TRAINING
I met Emily at a Skirt Sports event in March, and she told me about her inspiring journey that includes losing 100 pounds and setting her sights on a marathon.
After having two kids and hitting a weight of 240 pounds post-pregnancy, she got a wake-up call when her doctor told her she was morbidly obese. “It really scared me,” the 40-year old admits.
In February of 2016, she started on a weight loss study at the University of Colorado. Over the course of 14 months, she lost 100 pounds (about 25 pounds every 3 months), and she began running about halfway through the program. “I participated in a 5K,” she says, “Even though I walked the whole thing, I was so emotional at the finish line. I knew this was something I wanted to keep doing.” The study was two years total, so it was about one year of weight loss, one year of follow-up and support. (Read: it was far from the weeks typically given on The Biggest Loser.)
Emily ran he first half-marathon in January in Carlsbad, California, and has two big races on the rest of her schedule for 2019: another half-marathon in July in and the St. George Marathon in early October. In addition to the challenge of the regimented training cycles, she wants to be sure she’s taking care of her nutritional needs and stays in balance, weight- and metabolism-wise.
Emily at her first 5K.
THE EXPERT WEIGHS IN:
“Emily has done an amazing job,” says Stephanie Howe Violett, Ph.D. in exercise and sports nutrition, elite ultra runner, and the Ultra Coach in the Train Like a Mother Club. “Somebody who has lost weight and kept it off for nearly three years has worked really hard and been very consistent.”
As Emily ramps up for longer distances, Stephanie weighs in with general advice for people who have lost a significant amount (50+ pounds) of weight and want to challenge themselves to a long-distance race without compromising their weight loss or performance:
Lose the I-ran-18-miles-so-I-get-a-hall-pass It has no place in your marathon training cycle. (And in truth, it doesn’t belong in most training cycles. “It’s really easy to overconsume when you’re doing higher volume training,” says Howe, “The occasional indulgence is fine, but it should be done typically much less than people think.”) Continue to follow the strategies—could be an app or a journal or whatever accountability method has worked for you—you’ve used to maintain your weight, knowing there isn’t much wiggle room despite your upcoming extra mileage.
Maintain your diligence about your caloric intake. Sounds harsh, but it’s important to realize that your daily consumption will go up [see below] but not by much. You’re looking for a balance between properly fueling your training demands without further suppressing your metabolic system. Significant weight loss requires suppressing the metabolism; if you don’t feed your marathon-training body properly, it will want to hold onto weight again.
Eat the same meals as you typically do. Hoping, of course, that you already eat three meals. If not, start to integrate three meals so you can support the energy demands of both your day-to-day life and your training. The meals should be packed with high-nutrient foods like vegetables, high-quality proteins (chicken, fish, turkey, beans, eggs and dairy products), whole grains, good fats (nuts, oils, fish, avocados) and fruits.
Emily and her cute family after they all 5K’ed.
And supplement with additional calories of nutrient-dense foods. Based on Emily’s weight, Stephanie recommends an additional 200-500 calories a day. On a long run day, she should veer towards the 500 calories; on a normal weekday training run, 200-250 is a good target. Those additional calories shouldn’t necessarily be added to meals, but rather as a snack before a mid-morning run, or a post-run recovery snack.
Hall Pass, Part I. One time you may pull out a hall pass? Immediately after a long run. While what you consume counts towards your daily calories, your belly might not feel ready for peanut butter on whole wheat. If something like a glass of carb- and protein-rich chocolate milk sounds good, have at it.
Definitely pay attention to your hunger. If you get hungry, be sure to listen to your body and eat so your metabolism continues to behave. When you tune into your body and realize you’re hungry, reach for real foods—not a bar or other packaged foods—that will fill you up but aren’t super energy dense. In addition, be sure to include some protein for satiety. Some suggestions: carrots and hummus, or an apple with a handful of nuts.
Hall Pass, Part II. Don’t count the calories that come from gels, chews, sports drinks or other things consumed on the run towards daily caloric intake; you’ll be burning enough energy on the run to minimize their overall effect.
Finally, don’t forget that you are marathon training—and human. Give yourself an occasional splurge: a glass of wine with girlfriends, a piece of cake for a birthday. Stephanie suggests one day a week, and again, being fairly regimented about the frequency of how often you splurge. That way, you can enjoy the treat, knowing that you’re not sidelining your marathon training or your metabolism.
Any words of encouragement—or advice for—Emily as she takes starts her first round of marathon training?
Weighty Matters, Part III: Help for Picky, Athletic Teenagers
Welcome to the week of Weighty Matters: a website- and podcast- series devoted to weight-related issues that have popped up among the #motherrunner crowd and seem to have resonated.
In each of the website series, we pose the issue and then offer perspective and tips from an expert. The #motherrunner + the expert will then discuss the situation and thoughts on an Another Mother Runner podcast: the two episodes will air on April 26 and May 3.
Because we don’t want to leave them—or you—hanging we will then follow up with the #motherrunners on posts the week of June 24 and a podcast on June 28 to see how integrating the expert tips + perspective worked for them.
WEIGHTY MATTERS:
HELP FOR PICKY TEENAGE ATHLETES
Heather, a #motherrunner with active kids, posted this on the Many Happy Miles Facebook page.
I need some “momming” help with my 16 yo daughter and her diet. She’s a dancer but *very* picky so much so that I have a hard time keeping the proteins she’ll eat in the house. She barely eats veggies. The majority of her diet is processed carbs. I’m starting to suspect that her diet is having a negative impact on her sport/art and I need some input as to ideas on how to address this with her-especially because she wants to dance in college.
THE EXPERT WEIGHS IN:
“Most teenagers, and teenage athletes in particular, are susceptible to a carb-based diet,” says Jill Castle, MS, RD, the author of myriad books about childhood nutrition, including Eat Like a Champion: Performance Nutrition for your Young Athlete. “Their bodies are craving energy, and carbs are a quick pick-me-up. Plus, they’ve learned that carbs can shift your mood almost immediately. What they don’t learn is that eating carbs exclusively may leave you hungry.”
Here, Jill offers tips for the picky teenage athlete—or any kid that falls into one of those three categories:
First things first:
This teenage dancer is an ideal candidate to meet one-on-one with a registered dietitian/nutritionist for a variety of reasons. Dancing is an image-oriented sport, and I’d want to be sure there isn’t something deeper going on besides a picky eater who has a love of carbs. Not only is it important to have a dietitian assess her day-to-day diet to ensure she’s not negatively affecting her health, but as most parents of teenagers know, they are more likely to listen to and heed advice from an objective source.
That said, here are a few more general strategies:
Pump up the protein.
Protein, as you likely know, is key for a growing teen and especially a female athlete. Protein breaks down into amino acids, which are primarily responsible for muscle growth and recovery, so having them available in her bloodstream is beneficial. I recommend a protein source at each meal. Sit down with her and strategize about what protein she likes, and how to include them in each meal. If she only likes cottage cheese, eggs and deli turkey, that totally works: buy in bulk and figure out appropriate packaging so she can bring it to school.
Definitely aim for food sources of protein first, but if the protein pickings are slim, consider a protein supplement (e.g. protein powder), adding it to oatmeal, smoothies or other favorites.
Go back to the basics.
All young athletes need to be eating three meals a day. Their bodies need sustained, regular exposure to all nutrients to grow and perform athletically, and all three meals should be a mix of protein, carbs, and healthy fats. The easiest way to cover the varied nutrients is to target the food groups: protein, fruit, vegetable, dairy, and grains. Healthy fats and a healthy balance around sweets and treats is important, also.
With a teenager, that isn’t always easy: Schedules (or oversleeping) may crowd out breakfast, and they may light-load at lunch; teenage girls may eat too lightly at lunch, and experience low energy for the afternoon practice. Subsequently, they may be ravenous when dinnertime arrives.
Break up breakfast.
If getting a full breakfast is an issue, start with something easy to grab on the way out of the house: a banana and a container of yogurt, then have them take something to school so they can supplement around 9 am—or whenever hunger strikes. That could be a nut- and dried-fruit mix, a bar with some protein, a peanut butter sandwich on whole wheat.
Double up on snacks.
Most young athletes will have two snacks daily; aim for two food groups in each snack. You don’t necessarily have to ditch the goldfish, but add some string cheese for a bit of protein and calcium.. Other ideas: granola and yogurt, crackers and hummus, apples and peanut butter.
Build on iceberg–or whatever you can.
When trying to expand their diets, think about building a bridge from foods they already like. Many parents feel like there’s no value in iceberg lettuce, but I disagree. If your picky eater likes it, it’s a potential entryway to additional vegetables. Maybe you could shift to butter lettuce or romaine lettuce; maybe you could add shredded carrots or cucumbers to it. If French Fries are her favorite carbs, introduce sweet potato fries, roasted potatoes, a baked potato and maybe even roasted carrots. I know that may feel like a huge leap, but simply offer new foods and don’t put any pressure on her to eat or have any expectations. Exposure to new foods goes a long way.
Be patient x 8.
Research informs us it can take eight tries or more of a new food before a picky eater adds it to his or her regular repertoire. For kids and teens, I lay out a systematic way to guide kids through food challenges in Try New Food: How to Help Picky Eaters Taste, Eat & Like New Foods. Kids choose three foods they want to try each week. “Try” means just one bite or taste. Then they can document the flavor, texture, and appearance on a chart. Another helpful resource for teenagers is Conquer Picky Eating for Teens and Adults by Jenny McGlothlin MS SLP and Katja Rowell, MD; here’s a helpful sample of their tips.
Ok, moms of picky eaters or athletes or teenagers, what insight do you have to help tip their diets to be just a little more nutritious? Leave us a comment!
Weighty Matters, Part II: Struggling With Body Image + Grace
Welcome to the week of Weighty Matters: a website- and podcast- series devoted to weight-related issues that have popped up among the #motherrunner crowd and seem to have resonated.
In each of the website series, we pose the issue and then offer perspective and tips from an expert. The #motherrunner + the expert will then discuss the situation and thoughts on an Another Mother Runner podcast: the two episodes will air on April 26 and May 3.
Because we don’t want to leave them—or you—hanging we will then follow up with the #motherrunners on posts the week of June 24 and a podcast on June 28 to see how integrating the expert tips + perspective worked for them.
WEIGHTY MATTERS:
AMANDA AND STRUGGLING WITH GRACE
This popped up on the Many Happy Miles Facebook page, and Amanda’s perspective brought up empathy and connection.
Struggling with grace right now. My husband and I went to a charity auction last night, I got dressed up, did my hair and makeup, pulled on my spanks, and felt great despite wearing heels that were way too high.
My husband was amazing and stretched our budget and we got tickets to RENT on my dad’s birthday (he passed away 4 years ago from brain cancer). It was a great night, with awesome friends.
Today… I looked at my pictures, and all I can see is my extra chub. I know that this body gave birth to 3 beautiful girls. I know this body works hard to provide for our family every day. I know this body has trained and done hard things. I just want this body to look something like the pre-mom me remembers. I will never be my 25-year-old self, and I don’t aim to be, but I do want to feel comfortable in my skin and I just don’t know how to get there.
Thanks for letting me have a pity party. Thankfully the sun is shining and the snow is melting.
Amen. [source]
THE EXPERT WEIGHS IN:
“This is tough stuff because body image isn’t objective and rational, even for those of us who study it,” says Charlotte Markey, Ph.D., professor of psychology at Rutgers University (Camden) and a co-editor of Body Positive: Understanding and Improving Body Image in Science and Practice, “We live in a society that values beauty, youth, thinness, and that works against all of us women, especially as we age. I applaud Amanda for speaking up—we don’t do each other any favors by pretending we’re satisfied with our bodies and unconcerned with these issues.”
Here, Charlotte offers insight and some tips when all you can see is chub:
Consider the source. We are our own worst critics; most of us can’t see ourselves how other people see us. We give our friends, colleagues and family genuine compliments and grace, and yet we turn around and dwell on our droopy breasts or chunky legs. When that happens, ask yourself, “Would my friend say this to me? Would I say this to a friend?” The answer is no. (If it’s not, you might need new friends.) Then do your best to remove your harsh-lensed glasses and switch your focus.
Lose the thick-skinned mentality. Although the just-do-it perspective invades all cracks of the fitness world, research indicates that talking to yourself with compassion and kindness is much more effective when it comes to achieving goals and an overall sense of wellness. That doesn’t give you a pass to forgo exercise, of course, but instead of saying, “Why can’t you run faster?” focus on how strong and capable your legs feel and cut yourself some slack on the days when you just can’t get to the gym.
Write it out. When you get that ugh feeling as you study yourself in a mirror or a picture, take a moment and either mentally make or physically write a list of three things related to your body for which you are grateful. It could be that it produced healthy children or ran a half-marathon or that you have strong shoulders or shapely calves.
FACE it. Use the acronym FACE for social media, a medium that can bring on self-criticism in one quick swipe. Although I drafted this for teenagers, it’s just as useful for parents of teenagers:
F: Filter (aka protective filtering)
Set boundaries on who and what you follow. If there’s a friend or celebrity on Instagram or Facebook that consistently makes you feel lesser than, unfollow or defriend them. Similarly, following more body positive accounts can be helpful: BodyPosiPanda and The Body Positive, a Berkeley, CA Institute are two good ones.
A: Avoid
A step further than Filter, it seems that taking a social media hiatus regularly has plenty of worthwhile benefits.
C: Careful of Comparisons
Although we all innately compare ourselves, remind yourself, as you look at Gwen Stefani or any other celeb/influencer type that it is her job to look good all the time. That is likely not your job. And even for us mere mortals, remember that a professional photographer plus adjusting every aspect of a picture can make anybody look more skinny/beautiful/luminescent/fill in the blank than they do in everyday normal life.
[Quick sidebar on comparisons: We’re also prone to compare our current selves to ourselves 10 or 20 years ago. Pictures make it easy to remember the physical parts of your age—jeans may have been smaller—but try to remember your state of mind, your relationships and friendships, and other areas not so tangible. Frankly, there are a lot of good things about being older.]
E: Evaluate
This is a nod, once more, to reminding yourself that the pictures we see on social media are not the stuff of life. It’s easy to objectively remember that when you’re feeling good about yourself; harder when you’re feeling blah and judgmental.
Work with what you have. Fashion trends can be terribly unkind to all female bodies, let alone those who have given birth and/or might be nearing midlife. If you’re not having any luck finding jeans or running shorts that work for you, focus on skirts or another workaround that will. And this is a bit of a splurge, but going to a stylist (Nordstrom has free stylist services) or using a service like Stitch Fix may help you find flattering clothing you wouldn’t consider on your own.
Consider those you influence. Expectations can change from generation to generation, but only if we’re aware and proactive about it. If you have children—and especially girls—ask yourself what kind of behavior you are modeling. Don’t comment on your clothing, don’t say, “I look fat”, don’t think that you have the luxury of critiquing your body in front of them without it influencing how they see themselves. You don’t.
Lean out. If the thoughts are more pervasive than fleeting, consider getting involved in something beyond your normal routine of work/family/home. What cause or issue are you passionate about? Whether you’re charged up about a political issue or want to help homeless cats, spending your energy outward is much more valuable, both for yourself and the world at large, than focusing it inward.
Talk it out. Having a chat with a girlfriend can be therapeutic. Simply acknowledging it—“I know I gained weight over the holidays and it’s driving me crazy,”—and talking through can give perspective; just don’t turn it into what I call maladaptive girl conversations, where the subject dominates everything. Similarly, a therapist can be a great sounding board. Having somebody outside your family and social circle helping you sort through your thoughts is definitely a good choice when you’re having trouble quieting them on your own.
Finally, take a clue from Amanda and her last line: The sun is shining and the snow is melting. Casting your focus outward and on positive things is always helpful, as is getting out into nature. A recent 2018 study out of London found that spending time in nature can nurture more self-compassion. Spending time in a natural setting “may provide people with cognitive quiet, which in turn may foster self-compassion,” the researchers write. What better reason to head out for a walk or run in your local park, and thank your body for the strength and movement it provides.