Some of Warrior Moms—women who have overcome PPD and other issues—on Postpartum Progress.

Some of Warrior Moms—women who have overcome PPD and other issues—on Postpartum Progress.

Our week of AMR Love concludes as Fridays around here lately have: with Martini Fridays. Adrienne has plenty of love to spread; she just needs some help on the “how” part.

Ten laps around the psych floor at St. Mary’s Hospital in Knoxville, Tennessee, equals one mile. I know because I spent five days there after my first baby was born.

Postpartum depression isn’t a subject that gets a lot of press unless a) a celebrity, like Brooke Shields, confesses to it or b) a mom who suffers from it does something tragic either to herself or her children. Then the subject fades away again, partly because we’re just not comfortable with the idea that a new mom could feel anything but bliss.

Two weeks after I had Maddy, bliss was the farthest thing from my mind. I’d stopped feeling much of anything, frankly, and no longer slept or ate. I knew this wasn’t a sustainable situation and had started thinking about ways to make it stop. In the shower on the morning I’d actually check myself in, I calmly put together a plan that involved using the chef’s knife in the kitchen.

Maddy at 9 months; I started running when she was 9 years.

Maddy at 9 months; I started running when she was 9 years.

What happened next is a long story—in fact, I wrote a book about it—but the bit that matters most is that I got help. I spent some time locked away, which is exactly what I needed—but something I never ever want to repeat. More on that part in a minute.

Postpartum Progress didn’t exist when I was still in baby-making mode, which is a shame because I could have used their services. Not only does the organization function as a place to find local help, it also serves as a catalyst for change. Katherine Stone, the founder, continues to fight to end the stigma that surrounds postpartum mood disorders, of which depression is just one.

While simply finishing the Pittsburgh Half Marathon has been my main goal, I’ve also been trying to work out how to use my race to raise both awareness and funds for Postpartum Progress. I’m all ears if you, dear mother runner, have any thoughts about how to achieve any of that. I’m also all ears if you want to talk about your own experiences.

I have a lot of ears, it appears—and can’t resist a rhyme.

Nearly every image you find related to postpartum depression features a woman holding her hand to her head like she has a wee headache. It isn’t a wee headache.

Nearly every image you find related to postpartum depression features a woman holding her hand to her head like she has a wee headache. It isn’t a wee headache.

Here’s the part that I told you I’d circle back for: It would make a great story to say that running helped me out of depression. But life is rarely that tidy. What helped me out were some strong pharmaceuticals, a great psychiatrist, and time. Lots and lots of time. So much time, in fact, that I can’t remember exactly how many laps actually made a mile in that locked ward; I estimated above. Part of my brain insists that it was 18 but that seems like way too many.

What I can remember, however, is how I learned that tidbit of information. One of the Physician’s Assistant’s led a class on using exercise to deal with life. He couldn’t take us outside but could lead us in daily walks around the ward. I found it helpful but didn’t really keep it up once I was back on the outside and dealing with the demands of a newborn.

I didn’t start running until that same first baby was nine years old. During the last two-and-some years, the physical changes have been great. Those I expected. What I didn’t anticipate are the emotional changes. See, mental illness of any flavor doesn’t go away. It ebbs. It flows. Sometimes, you forget to notice that the tide has been out for months. Sometimes it decides to drown you again, just for funsies. You have to learn how to ride the waves, but I didn’t realize that running could be my own personal surfboard until I got over the big this is really hard hill at the beginning.

It would also make a great story if I tied this all together with and this week was also really hard” It wasn’t too bad, though. I ran 7 miles on Tuesday using the lap function on Herr Garmin so that I didn’t have to do anything hard like count. Worked like a charm, after a few false starts. Thanks to all who suggested it.

Before I started training, seven miles seemed like such a big deal. Now, I just head to the track and git ‘r done. What I am finding, however, is that I really need that rest day on Wednesdays. With the work-outs, my actual job, and the kids, I’m pretty pooped mid-week and need a day to be still.

That doesn’t mean I’m completely NBD about this whole thing. I made the mistake of looking forward to see how long the next long runs are. Nine miles? Ten? 11? Crazy talk.

No pun intended, of course.

If you’ve got ideas for Adrienne on how her running can benefit Postpartum Progress, please post in the comments. Also, here’s a helpful Q+A post about PPD  from AMR a few years ago. xo