Perfect bodies, as illustrated in this Dear Kate campaign.
Welcome to a complicated version of What Would Another Mother Runner Do, a regular column where we tackle issues that come up when running and motherhood collide. The situation below—body image issues—isn’t a simple one, but it’s definitely a conversation many women have in their heads. The writer, K., wanted to remain anonymous.
I often do my best thinking in the shower…and the shower is when I’m second-most critical of my body, trailing only behind when I stand in front of a mirror.
As I stood in the shower the other day attempting to make sense of the collision of self-doubt and self-confidence, imagine my surprise when I had one of those mini-epiphanies that makes me rush to dry off so that I can pen a message to a friend while its fresh on my mind—and before I allow the self-doubt to keep me from taking action. (Enter a frantic Facebook message to Dimity, whom I’ve met in person only once but with whom I can so relate.)
Why are you, the tribe, reading this? Because while I’m my own worst critic and relish the confidence that I see others have in themselves, I realize (hope?) that under that confidence, many other women share similar insecurities in either body or mind, regardless of the root cause.
Where to begin? I’ve struggled with body images since grade school. While in college, I realized that I spent most of my grade school years being bullied for being chubby or smart. Or so they said. Truth is, I didn’t fit into any of the preexisting social circles and didn’t have the strength to fight back.
Outwardly I’m far more confident these days, particularly in my role of wife, mother, and employee. Until those moments when I’m alone and the doubt creeps back. Those foundational years in our youths can be a bitch. How do you escape them? It always amazes me when I share with someone my lack of self-confidence or body insecurities, they’re surprised I have them—or they tell me I’m being crazy.
Part of me knows they are right. On good days I whole heartedly believe that I’ve been exceedingly fortunate and blessed in my life. I have a good career, nice house, an amazing husband, two awesome sons, caring family and friends. Seriously, I’ve got nothing to complain about.
[PHOTO GALLERY: What a Mother Runner Looks Like, Part I]
And then I stand in front of the mirror.
Never mind that I work out several times a week, have strong legs and some definition in my triceps these days. What I always, always see in the mirror is the cellulite, and the extra five pounds that seem to be firmly settling below my belly button on my short-waisted frame. I see what my mother most likely always saw staring back at her. (I can only guess because I never saw my mother when she wasn’t dressed in something below the knee. Also guessing I inherited not just the cellulite genetics, but also the misplaced insecurities from her.)
So while I was in the shower on Saturday, pondering once again how I ought to tackle the ten-pound yo-yo my weight does annually, I had a random stream of thoughts.
If I had a daughter, I would want to foster her to not have these same self doubts…My husband thinks I’m nuts to be insecure and he loves my body: Why can’t I?…I’ve had two children and am almost 40, yet I hold myself to the same physical standard I wanted to reach when I was 20 and hadn’t birthed two awesome boys…But I know so many who have birthed children and have rocking bodies…Why isn’t that me?…But the grass isn’t always greener… And after all some of it is simply genetic…And my boys: How can I somehow take my observations of my own insecurities and impart some wisdom to my sons?…Drew Barrymore has a great perspective…She’s comfortable in her skin and the changes to her body, post-babies…I want that for myself…I want to be ok with who I am and the choices that I make, being realistic in my expectations but not complacent to make excuses to allow me to be less than what I am capable of… Living a fit and active lifestyle and a good role model for my children even if I don’t look as good as I perceive “her” (whomever she is) to be.
[PHOTO GALLERY: What a Mother Runner Looks Like, Part II]
Heavy stuff for just trying to get ready for a date with my husband. But I sense I’m not alone. I sense that while we as women put on a happy face for most others, deep down we all deal with our own insecurities. We often don’t talk in terms of our insecurities because then we fear others may view it as whining or complaining or seeking attention.
As I approach 40, I have found that while my insecurities don’t go away, I am able to mentally stuff them away for longer stretches. Then my six-year-old comments while we are cuddling that my leg feels more squishy than it used to and my mind goes into a tailspin. Part of me feels it’s pathetic that I let myself head to that negative space, and then I get mad a thyself for that, and the cycle continues. Sigh.
Ok, now it’s your turn to chime in. How is your body image? Confidence? If you struggle with either, how do you reconcile the body/confidence you have with the body/confidence you want? Any thoughts or advice for K.?
I can so very identify. When I look in the mirror I still see the 60 pounds I lost over the last two years. I see the belly that has plagued me for as long as I can remember, back to childhood. I hear the voices that teased me in junior high and high school. But every once in a while I get other glimpses – the legs in the bath tub that look strong after a run, the bicep I can flex for my boys that makes them smile, when my husband mistakes my jeans for a pair belonging to my son. I try with all my might to hold on to those moments so that I don’t slip back to the place where I was two years ago.
I just turned 62. I also just returned from a weekend in the mountains where hubby and I mountain biked and hiked and the morning we left I went “running” and pinecone collecting so I can make a wreath for Christmas. I was out there on the frosty trail, crunching through snow and trying not to fall on the icy parts thinking about how cool it would have been to run here as a college student in the 70s. And so so thankful that at 62 I was able to get out for that 4 miler at 7000 foot elevation that morning. Just be glad for what your body is able to give you at the time it can. It always won’t be able to.
You are not alone! Self doubt is what keeps me off of a lot of social media (and away from magazines at the checkout!) No matter how strong I am, how far I can run, how healthy and confident I feel, I still look at other bodies and feel awful about myself. It’s a daily battle to be grateful and appreciative what MY body can do, but I’m mostly winning these days! (Mostly!) Don’t be discouraged K…the Tribe is with you!
Worse than the shower, in my mind, is buying new jeans. I so thought I could just walk in and buy a pair but since I only do it every few years, they had changed styles. Got home. I think they are too tight in the thighs. Everyone else says they fit perfect. Ugh!
i can so relate (as I think most females who are human can)! I have a beautiful mother. I remember as a young girl people taking the time to comment on how beautiful she was. I also remember her consistently pointing out her flaws and complaining about her body. I used to do the same…until recently when I read that the thing that affects a young girl’s self image the most is how her mother thinks about herself. That snapped my head around real quick. I have a beautiful 3 year old girl and I promised myself that day that she would never again hear me utter another of those ridiculous self deprecating comments I make when I pass by a mirror or put on a swimsuit. Instead, hopefully she’ll hear me say something like, “My muscles are really getting stronger,” or, “my hard work is paying off!” Sometimes the old negative sound bites still play in my head, but as much as I can help it, she’ll never hear them.
K, what would you say to your best girlfriend or other mom at school if she said the same things you tell yourself?you would say you are beautiful, you are strong, you are a force like no other. You are a women that your boys look up too. They look at the way you carry yourself and will want that in their own wife down the road. Think about your sons girl friends. They look up to you whether you realize it or not and if they had the same self doubt you would squash it like a bug. Not everyone has a models body. Me included. But I know the journey I have been on and it’s no one else’s. I’m happy for my little pooch. It means I’ve birthed 3 healthy kids. So my boobs aren’t so perky anymore and they have stretch marks. So what. It means I found someone who loves me for me and was loved me so much to make those kids. If all my friends and family were to describe me I can guarantee my physical appearance would not be in the top 10. That’s not what they see. They just see me. And I’m sure your friends and family would say the same.
I really struggle with this. For me it is the cellulite I can see in my legs that causes my mind to race or the love handles that have developed this year despite training. I’d go crazy if I stood in front of that mirror too long. I try very hard to not make comments around my daughter…it is really hard some days when I’m not on my game. Then, I see race pictures and I see how wide I look and get sad too. I don’t have a solution, but when you find it, let me know.
I struggle with these very same feelings. I want to love my body and appreciate it for all that it does for me, but instead, I look in the mirror and am never happy. I am 40, have birthed two kids, ran more races than I can remember, and can out-walk nearly everyone I know, but I still see the extra 10 pounds that I carry in my butt and thighs. Thus, I have decided that 2016 is the year that I will win this battle and fall in love with the greatest gift I have – my 5-foot-nothing, 145 lb. frame.
Yes, this consumes my thoughts as well. I have two beautiful children but I hate that I am 30 lbs heavier than I was before I was first pregnant. I’m trying to be patient and concentrate on eating healthy, eating proper portions, running when I can carve out the time, and going to a strength training class. But 6 months later and I am only one pound lighter. I see all the other mother runners who look so beautifully fit and gorgeous and happy and I want to be like that. I’m trying to be happy in this new body that will never be the same as it was before my two children came along. On the bright side, I have gained some definition in my arms and lost an inch or two all over. Little steps…
Love the ideas expressed here…especially from Jill and Cheryl. I am nearly 50 now, but still running (jogging) and doing triathlons when I can. And yet, every time find myself lamenting my sagging, ever-slowing body. but I am out there doing it and I hope that I can be in Cheryl’s shoes some day!
I mentioned to my husband just yesterday, why is this “Dad Bod” thing so hot? What about the “Mom Bod”, why can’t we as a society say that is ok, that is good??
thanks ladies!
Growing up I had no issues with my body confidence, I was a ballerina and quite thin always, ate what I wanted when I wanted it and burned it off just as fast. I liked my body.
Fast forward to having 2 kids, gaining 20 pounds training for my first marathon and being in my 40’s. I have no clue how to lose weight because I never had to in my life, and obviously it’s harder for anyone at this age. I mentally beat myself up a lot, but also remind myself: I run MARATHONS, I have 2 amazing, awesome kids, my husband doesn’t care, and what kind of manufactured, fake ideal do I feel like I need to live up to anyway?! Models? Even they don’t look like they do in a photo shoot in real life! That’s helps a bit, and of course it’s unrealistic to be the same size now as when I was 25. It helps, but not completely. Wish I had the answer.
It has taken many years for me to really have confidence, and running plays a huge role in that. I still have moments of insecurity, but not many. I’m now 42, and I promise you that after 40 you will feel better. Some people dread being 40, but for me, turning 40 gave me permission to just be me. I have a younger beautiful smart funny friend who is very insecure, and when we are alone I hear all about her insecurities that other people don’t know about….and I think what a shame….what a waste of her youth being insecure. Let this post be the start of you putting it all behind you and stop wasting time.
Sometimes I think about what a colossal waste of time it is to worry about my not-quite-perfect body when there are so many real, actual problems in the world. But somehow, that rationalization doesn’t make the thought stream go away. Some days I think, “I am pretty kick-ass!” I’ve done marathons, Ironman triathlons – I’m always training for something. And I actually weigh less now than I did in college, so it’s not like I used to have some great body and then lost it. But somehow no matter how fit I am I’m always thinking that it’s possible to be slightly thinner – because duh, it’s always possible for anyone to be slightly thinner (though thinner is not always better, right?) I think we have to realize the fact that we women have these self-doubts because of the unrealistic expectations society has placed on us – and often these unrealistic expectations have been expressed by real people directly to our faces, not developed in some abstract manner by looking at magazines or watching TV. I am a smallish woman – definitely not skinny – but short and solid muscle. But, I still remember the gymnastic coach who told me I would always have injuries because of my “weight problem.” And the college boyfriend who said he thought I was pretty but would “like it better if there were less of me.” Even now, as an adult in my mid-30’s, I’ve been sent into a tailspin of body image self doubt twice in the past 3 years after going to the doctor and being told my BMI is too high. (Hello! Have you seen my quads? I’ve actually been called quadzilla!) At the same time I’m busy slamming myself mentally, however, I know that a few of my friends have actually been inspired by me. ME! They said they wanted to start running or do triathlons or get fit….like me! So if they want to be like me, why I can’t I want to be me too? Like a few of the other women here have said, maybe we should think about how we would talk to our daughters or a good friend about their weight and try to have the same respect for ourselves. I remember going for a run with my dog a few years ago and encouraging her at the end of a long run, “Come on Cocoa. Just a little bit farther. You can do it – keep going.” And then it occurred to me how differently I spoke to my dog than myself. Whereas I would think to myself, “Get a move on you fat-ass. How do you expect to ever improve? No pain, no gain.” I was coaching her along lovingly and with positivity. Maybe that’s the trick. Maybe if we start coaching our fellow women along, out loud, with care and positivity we’ll all start to actually believe it about ourselves?
I have been various shades of clinically overweight or obese since puberty. I don’t know what it’s like to be a “normal” weight or even passing for a “normal” weight. If I’m being honest, I have a hard time relating to someone who is “only” 5 to 20 pounds overweight. There’s a snarky part of me that thinks – “you think you have problems? Try being 75 to 100 pounds more than the doctor’s chart says you should be. You want to talk about your ‘poochy’ stomach? Get a good look at a REAL poochy stomach that doesn’t get concealed behind an average size pair of jeans”. That’s the evil of comparing – the “my problems are worse that yours” evil. It’s in all of us, I think; and hard to suppress at times.
But over the years, I’ve come to realize that, in general, I am much more confident than most women. Why that is – I don’t know. Why do I feel better about myself than a woman who, by societies standards “looks better” than me? In my mid-30s, I reached a point where I realized no one cares about how I look. And I am so great in so many other ways that this ONE thing shouldn’t matter and won’t matter. For the sake of my health and longevity, yes, I’d like to lose some weight – but I’m not going to make it the focus of my life; because I am busy LIVING my life, the way I want to live it – and sometimes that means celebrating a half marathon with a pizza instead of a salad.
My youngest says “your belly is big; you’re going to have another baby”. I laugh! No, honey, I’m not having another baby – I just have a big belly; I also have, among other things, strong legs and a kind spirit – God made us all different and isn’t that wonderful (and I BELIEVE what I’m saying). THAT’S how you help your daughters, your children feel good about their bodies – by being confident in your own and not focusing on how they look, but on how they feel.
It really is such an important issue. Our culture puts so much pressure on women to strive for perfection, and we internalize the message too well. Then we end up judging other women harshly as well, instead of being loving toward ourselves and each other. It is a tough cycle to break, but I think it is wonderful when women speak out, sharing their own insecurities (somehow we usually convince ourselves that others are more perfect and confident than we all really are and it is good to dispel that myth). Though it is hard to change habits that usually started when we were young, we really need to treat ourselves with kindness and love, appreciating all that our bodies do for us instead of wishing for an ideal that is unattainable and will not actually bring us happiness. Supporting each other in this process is truly wonderful!
It’s a shame this is an issue. If our society would focus on positive attributes, the focus on body image wouldn’t be a big issue. (Disclaimer: I’ve never been overweight but had a short-lived eating problem in my early teens.) I grew up on a farm where being strong was good. I really fell in love with running during my enlistment in the army. Some female soldiers worried about their weight – I wasn’t one of them. I was active and strong. I ran several road races but detoured into trail running. No super skinny waifs there! Muscular thighs, arms…well more muscle period. People need to find their happiness. Forget about your outward appearance and enjoy the body that carries you through life’s journey.
Other than the fact that I am circling 50 instead of 40, I could have written this. At one point I started to wonder if I somehow had but forgotten! (remember, circling 50) I try to focus on what my body is capable of instead of what it looks like. after all, I have birthed another human, run multiple half marathons, completed a triathlon, gotten the laundry done in one day. there are parts I would like to change and fall into that “gosh I wish I looked like her” trap but maybe that little pooch is stored up awesomeness? yeah, I am going to go with that!
Struggling with body image is unfortunately all too common. I felt very uncomfortable in my skin as a young person, even though from the outside it wouldn’t have made any sense. Looking back from the perspective of 45, I feel sad that my younger self did not fully appreciate being free of all the flaws that inevitably accumulate over time (but you’re young, so of course you don’t get it), nor did I appreciate all that my body is/was capable of. Now I’ve had a child (a daughter) – and have the sagging, stretch-marked belly skin and varicose veins to prove it. I’ve had a mastectomy and have lived for nearly seven years with one breast. In the last six months all the new hair around my face has grown in grey. However, I feel much more accepting of my body now than when I was younger – after childbirth and nursing, after cancer, after 40, I ran a marathon and have done more strength training than I ever did when I was younger. I know I’m strong, and I think being able to connect what my body can do to what it looks like helps me be more at home in my skin. I wish I could tell my younger self about this, so I would have challenged myself more and marveled at what I could do. Sometimes I still get really sad about losing my breast, and it can make me feel unattractive and unlovable – but that’s only a few days here and there out of many. On the whole I’m successful at trying to live healthy and strong, both for myself and my family. Those periods of struggle for self-acceptance are just a mark of being human.
I think we all struggle with this issue if we’re being honest. I don’t think there’s a single person on this planet – super models included – that doesn’t look at themselves and see the flaws rather than the good things. Maybe it’s our human nature to tell ourselves apart? I would like to hope it isn’t, but from what I’ve seen in my 43 years it certainly appears to be. So how do we fix it??? I don’t know the answer to that question as it is something that I’m constantly battling myself. How do I appreciate what some boys back in school called my “thunder thighs”? How do I really appreciate my stretch marks earned from carrying four children in my womb? I still don’t know but I would love to see a society where we, as women, can truly appreciate our wonderful bodies!!! I think the first step is having the conversation, so thank you to K for her bravery!!! I’m glad we’re talking about it…
I try truly try to have a better self image, I try very hard to positive self talk. I fall short, and I know this because I have an eleven year old daughter and when I talk poorly about myself.. I notice she slides into a place of talking badly to herself. I said one day “would you say that to your best friend?” and she said NO! And I said “why do you say it to yourself?” and she replied, “Mommmmm you do it too” We made a pact right then and there to LOVE our bodies! I will dance around and say look at my four pack jokingly to make light of things. But must admit, in my head I think… how can I ajust my workout to make my abs harder? It’s a battle! I am not overweight. I’m a runner and I am fit, but I find flaws in me… my biggest flaw? Failing to remind myself God made me and I am beautiful and wonderfully made! I need to embrace that and all the good things about being me… healthy, happy, fit! I need to believe what I tell myself, I need to mean it! I am a woman of power, strength, faith and MUSCLE! ;)
I am right there with you! I will say that running has given me a little more confidence in the fact that I am stronger, and my body has done amazing, almost inconceivable things since I started running 3 years ago, but that self doubt is always there. At Barre class, I hate to be facing the mirror and my “belly pouch.” I struggle with depression, yet on the outside I am the best actress in the world, because I am so good at concealing everything inside. You are not alone.
I am also approaching 40, and have 2 kids. Because of the way I carried my youngest while I was pregnant I have the most wrinkley belly you’ve ever seen on someone under 90! But who cares! I can run, and I can cook, and I’m a good enough mom, and that’s what matters to me!
We’re all aging and have to deal with body shape changes. My dad a runner never bought into the designer running gear and thought running was more than a fashion statement. It was meant to be for your health not to buy fancy mdse. I don’t understand the snobbery of some athelete’s. We’re all going to have the same aging issues and changing looks eventually. I wish more emphasis was on intelligence, character and how well we treat those in our community and how we care for ourselves and carry on as a caring human being, not someone who always has to look in the mirror at their beauty or have the next photo taken to post of Facebook… Perhaps I’ve misunderstood some people, if so, please excuse the observation.
Thank you for this. There are so many “shoulds” – I should look like this, or I shouldn’t feel like that”… But yes, so many of us struggle with this, myself included.
Thanks so much for this honest and touching essay. Indeed, the things we heard/experienced in our formative years stick around in some insidious ways. I was sick as a kid (severe asthma) and didn’t have a sense of my body as strong or powerful. I always felt like the “fat friend” – and I worked hard to never, ever talk about about body image stuff in front of my “skinny friends” – because I believed they wouldn’t really understand. And yet…most likely, all of those friends felt the same way (even if, objectively, our bodies were physically very different). I still usually feel like the “fat one” — and while it’s true that I “should” lose 10 pounds in order to be in the “normal weight” category — I finally feel my body is strong and I am physically powerful. Now, at age 45, after having two kids, after a lifetime struggle with severe asthma….I run, I walk as much as possible, I run around outside playing catch and kicking soccer balls with my kids, I move, move, move as much as I can. And, when I get caught up in that hypercritical voice that tells me how horrible my body looks….well, I’m working on throwing some love and kindness on that part of myself — because it’s just a young girl, who doesn’t have the perspective yet of years of aging and growing, of holding herself with loving kindness, and knowing that I am so much more that what my outside body looks like. I’d love to say to say that “I don’t care” about body stuff…but I do and I strive to allow space and understanding for those worries/cares and make sure as hell that I’m leaving WAY more space for all of the other things about me.
I love this! I’m also bearing down on 40. I am the oldest of 4 children, to two parents who instilled a love of running in me at a young age. (Both have marathon PRs somewhere around the 3:15 mark – my single marathon is a 4:25.) One brother is an extreme sports enthusiast who spends most of his free time whitewater kayaking, mountain biking, and downhill skiing. And he can pull off a 4:30 trail marathon with little to no training due to his constant activity/cross-training. My other brother is known to just “go walkabout” into the wilderness on occasion, including into the Himalayas, in search of some good photos. He’s also able to go out with the high school track team to run some 800s or mile repeats with no problems. My “little” sister (she’s 5’8″ and I’m 5’1″) had an athletic scholarship in college for pole vaulting and cross country skiing. I don’t need to look to society for body image issues, I just look around the Thanksgiving table! I’ve never felt like I truly struggled with my weight until the last few years, and even then it’s more trying to get back to my pre-3 kid body. Not true obesity/overweight/hereditary struggles that I’ve seen close friends deal with. But it’s no fun feeling like the family fatty. And yet, I’m the one training for a marathon. Why can’t I be happy with the fact that I know my body will be able to do that, whatever shape it takes on race day? This article was timely, too, as I was changing out of my work clothes tonight, my 3-year-old son came into the bedroom, grabbed my wrinkly tummy pooch, and said, “I LIKE your belly button!” totally out of the blue. It was wonderful. Why can’t I like my belly button, too?
I read an article a while ago that suggested women try to think like a dog when it comes to their bodies. Dogs don’t spend any time wondering if they are fat or how they look from behind. They spend their time eating, running and sleeping and in between they devote themselves unconditionally to the people that they love. They do what they can to take care of their body, and tell someone when things aren’t right. I try to think like a dog when those feelings of not measuring up, or not liking what I see get overwhelming or too much in my head.
I think it comes from our inherent need for acceptance. When we develop self-doubt about our body at a young age it almost impossible to get past. We can give ourselves the pep-talks and we can even believe it for awhile, but then that one thing, that one comment, that one glance puts us right back to feeling like we don’t measure up.
I have accepted this ‘body image self doubt’ as something that I have. Just like I have brown hair. But it doesn’t define me and it doesn’t stop me. I choose to run and be active and healthy. It is a choice I make, because it is something I want for my life. I will never feel comfortable in a two-piece swimsuit because of it. But I don’t need to wear one, I can wear a one piece and be ok with it.
But the most important thing we can do is not pass it on to our children.
Everything you said, almost 40, 3 kids, workout several times a week, have been running for 20+ years I am all these things and have the same body insecurity. Why can’t I lose the sides and my hips, oh my hips! I only share this with my husband. Am very careful to not say anything around my 3 girls. Some days I tell myself no more cookies or coffee drinks and then the next day I think it’s only one I’m not having a bag full but when will I ever lose the inches and weight? My willpower with certain food is awful. I was so much better in college with willpower in food then I am now. I am with you. I hear you. I felt like you were in my head. Thank you for sharing!
I struggled with eating disorder in high school. It took a lot of help from friends and family to get me thru it. Today I am almost 45, wife, mother of 3 and BAMR. Yes, there are parts of my body I wish I could change but I am also okay with my “muffin top and anthill breast”. I talk about my battle with self image and eating disorder with my daughters bc I want them to learn to accept what they are blessed with like legs, beautiful eyes, never ending smiles not what they don’t like.
Love who you are
I was just thinking about this very thing (probably in the shower, too!). I feel like I have a pretty realistic view of my body – I may go up or down 15 lbs, right now I’m in the middle of that spectrum – but my body is my body, and it’s always been much the same shape as it is now, since my mid teens. I will probably always have a small, defined upper body (which I’m happy with!), but large, undefined calves, thighs and hips (which definitely gets me down some days). No matter what I do, and what kind of shape I’m in, those proportions will most likely always stay the same. I accept that. But when I’m most happy with my body, is when I think about what I can do with it. I had 5 babies (amazing!), I’ve run 2 marathons (awesome), I’m not running those kinds of distances right now, but I know I can, if I work up to it. I am working with a personal trainer to get stronger, and I can finally do some real push-ups in a row (hurrah!). My body, while pretty average looking, can do some pretty impressive things. For that, I love it.
Thank you for the brutal honesty expressed in this post. I wish I had some words of wisdom but having just crossed over I am not certain I notice much of a difference between my thoughts at 39 and those at 40. I am reasonably fit, have run half marathons, done a couple half ironmans and other triathlons yet I continue to see myself negatively as opposed for what it is and can do. Why? Likely all the stuff that happens when we are young that never quite goes away. So despite having changed dramatically since college in terms of my physical appearance and overall strength, I tend (like many of us) to see the former me. My goal for 2016? To start living more in the moment and instead of beating myself up about eating too much chocolate one day or not finishing a race in the time I thought I would finish it, to relish in completing 70.3 miles or a hilly century ride or enjoying those Justin’s dark chocolate peanut butter cups (they are addictive). Perhaps you can do the same and know that you are strong, powerful and beautiful – inside and out.
This article really hit home. I was chubbier growing up and got made fun of for it too (besides some other things out of my control). I started dieting young but nothing helped until I hit college. I am now almost 40-50 lbs (depending on the day and season) lighter than I was at 16. My husband doesn’t understand my body image issues, my sisters are obese and my mom is overweight. I am one of the smaller ones out of my friends but I am constantly watching what I eat, I run, and started strength training. He doesn’t understand my need fixation with my weight but it’s not what others think of me, it’s what I want in my head. Plus we are our own worst enemies, I can lose 10 lbs but still myself 20 lbs heavier than I am. I do have confidence though when I am at work or around friends, everyone knows I am a runner and I work hard it’s just those times in the shower or in the mirror when I feel so insecure and want to work harder. I’ve been trying to keep track of how I feel and how different foods make me feels so I am not as stressed out over what I am eating anymore. I know that deep fried foods make me sick after I had my gall bladder removed a year ago, so when I crave French fries or something deep fried I think of how I feel rather than knowing they are bad for me and staying away.
I try to hone in on my strength and know that I am better than I have been. That there is work to be had but hey, I am better than a year ago when I started. I can see the definition as well of my muscles and I keep those pictures handy rather than the bad angle pictures which make me look heavier or pregnant so then I don’t stress out how I look.