I’ve had the pleasure of taking a few writing classes from the talented Lisa Jones, and one of things we regularly do is take a piece of great writing and use its perspective or structure as a springboard for your own thoughts.
Because These Failures are My Job by Alison Luterman is a delicious poem about when you do don’t do the things you’re supposed to do—pay attention and be present, namely, in this example—you’re actually doing your job. “It’s our job to be super imperfect,” is how Lisa explained it, and I immediately wrote that sentiment down and starred it. It’s not our job to be perfect; the intricacies of our failures are actually the reason we’re here, the job we’re supposed to do. Makes life—and running—feel a lot less heavy.
On a recent run—a six-miler around my hood—I made failure my job. Not consciously, but it was just one of those why-do-I-try-so-hard-and-care-so-much runs that leaves me more empty than filled up.
On my run today, I failed to notice the leaves. The yellow mustard ones, the orange ones, the maples whose veins protrude from their leathery skin.
On my run today, my head didn’t stay where my feet were. I made a grocery list (don’t forget bananas again!); I lamented good friends I feel like I’ve permanently lost touch with; I wondered if my daughter’s hot dog consumption should be minimized; I pondered if the drum set we just bought my son will actually be a wise investment—or at least one I will not regret; I reminded myself to answer emails and call my mom; I wished the miles away; I planned my day and planned the rest of my life.
On my run today, I was not here now. And I didn’t greet anybody who passed me.
On my run today, I checked my GPS like an obsessive-compulsive for no apparent reason. My splits were blah, and each minute contained 300 seconds.
On my run today, my feet were not light and quick. I clomped so horse-like on the gravel path that the walkers, 30 feet in front of me, turned around as I approached them, wondering if they should get out of the way. I tried to be bird-like after they craned their necks, but really, who was I kidding?
On my run today, the middle of my back turned numb by mile three. I promised myself I would come home and stretch, then lie on the foam roller for at least five minutes to unkink some angry tendons. I didn’t.
On my run today, I couldn’t find the right song. So I used up all my fast forwards on Pandora and ended up with commercials about trading in your KIA.
On my run today, I cursed the slight uphills (ouch! lungs!) and the minor downhills (ouch! knees!). I cursed my body for being too tall, too old, too hunched, too jiggly, for having too many miles in my joints. I cursed myself for not appreciating the fresh, young legs I had for so many years.
On my run today, I thought about what I will do when I can no longer run. But I really can’t bear that thought.
With about a mile left, I realized I didn’t have to stop and take off my long sleeve shirt mid-run. Thumbholes were still snuggled into the webbing of my hands.
Ma Nature had served up perfection on a Thursday morning—and that was enough to carry me home.
What failures have been your job on a recent run?
This article hit home!! I’ve been beating myself over not being able to break free from a 3+hr half marathon finish. Maybe I’m just not good enough, maybe I should find something else. My knees always hurt, and my feet do to, and perhaps I’m just forcing myself into something that’s just not for me. Walkers can finish a half marathon in 3 hrs I thought! I failed to appreciate that I can walk, that I can run!! I failed at appreciating what I can do and focused more on the negative!
Some runs are like this. On these days, it’s all I can do to keep moving forward. Usually this happens when I’ve got so much on my mind that I’m overwhelmed. I don’t like these runs, because I don’t enjoy them. But I always feel good when I finish. No matter how overwhelming life gets, there’s always the run. And thumbholes!
I completely failed at Halloween. Have you seen the facebook photos of some of the elaborate costumes and pinterest worthy decorations and parties other people had? Today though we have two bags of too much candy and the kids are happy.
On my run I lied to myself that I could see without my glasses to reset my Garmin. WTH! I can’t convert miles per hour while I am running. The morning was beautiful and until I saw my data after importing did I realize I was really moving out there on the hills. So it’s a good thing I didn’t continue to look at my Garmin.
I let one difficult run this weekend make my thoughts about running a marathon spiral out of control….but then managed to catch myself at the end and put things back in perspective.
Man, a tough one. I still fail at planning my days on my run. Thinking too much about the past and the future and not enough focus on the present.
More importantly, where did you get that running jacket/shirt? Love the colors and print!
Hey Lynne–
It’s a Saucony shirt. Super soft and reversible! Here’s a link:
http://www.saucony.com/en/swift-long-sleeve/14012W.html?dwvar_14012W_color=SA81476-MIDMRD#cgid=womens-apparel-tops&start=1
OH MY STARS… It is nice to know that someone else lives the run I do… sometimes I’m SO IN TUNE and others I’m like a big kid with an attention disorder who can’t focus on what I’m doing with grocery lists, to do lists, prayer lists and oh my….THANK YOU for being real and for sharing.. I loved it. GREAT READ as well ;)
I loved this! I have been so stressed lately and I realized yesterday that it’s because I want everything to be perfect – or as close to perfect as possible – and I’m just beating myself up all the time. I took out my Gifts of Imperfection book by Brene Brown – I need to read it again and remind myself why this constant striving for perfection is doing nothing but making me miserable. Find the joy in the imperfection!
Loved this, as per always.
Isn’t it funny how posts like this seem to come right at the perfect time? I did my longest run on Monday night with a group (13K) and it was great, but there were parts in the dark where I really had to push and say to myself “trust the training” and try not to be in my head so much. It’s hard to shut the old thing up sometimes and just run and remember why I’m running … Because I love it.
Thanks for the insightful post as always!