running lane

Amanda Loudin is a freelance writer and a familiar face at AMR. Find her on Twitter: @misszippy1

Can you judge a partner by your shared running experiences? A few years ago, I might have thought this a silly concept, but as we head into Valentine’s Day 2022, I’m thinking the answer is yes.

During my long marriage, which ended in divorce a few years back, my ex dabbled in running here and there. It was never something he really liked, but there are myriad reasons why I think he tried it. Obviously I had no right to claim running as “mine,” but I will admit that I didn’t like him stepping into my running lane. 

Running was how I processed the frequent arguments and dysfunction. It gave me a way to escape the deteriorating circumstances of a crumbling marriage. If I wasn’t running solo, I was sharing the miles with close friends, asking their advice and working through a waning affection for my spouse. I didn’t want him along for the solo miles, or the shared miles. 

Post-divorce and back into the dating world, I began a long-distance relationship with a man who also made running part of his routine, although not as far or as often as I did. When we saw each other, morning runs were generally part of our weekends, sometimes on my turf and sometimes on his. It was nice to share the miles with someone, kind of. 

You see, post-divorce guy had this habit of always moving up ahead of me, all the while looking at his watch. You could tell he wanted a good workout from the experience, and that my pace wasn’t checking that box. Rather than enjoying the miles together, we were enjoying the miles a few feet apart. I’d finish up the runs a little annoyed and by the end of that year-plus-long relationship, I was back to craving and needing my own lane. 

Then along came the running partner who caught me off guard. Our first date, was in fact, a run. We fell into a nice, easy pace, shoulder-to-shoulder. Conversation flowed, and we followed up the run with breakfast. Perfect first date, right? 

A post-date text from him went something like this: 

Him: I’m going to buy some new running shoes so that we can do more runs together.

Me: Pretty sure if you do, you’ll be dropping me.

Him: I don’t want to run in front of you, I want to run alongside you.

There have been several more months of runs with him, and let’s put it this way—I’m not craving my own lane. As promised, he runs alongside me, usually once or twice every week. We cover a lot of ground on those runs, both literally and figuratively, and I always finish them happy, my cup filled to the brim. I look forward to the next run, and the one after that. 

There’s far more to a relationship than your ability to share miles, I know. But for the first time in my running life, I’ve got a partner who is special enough that I want to invite him into this sacred space, again and again. The road ahead for us is long and far from straightforward. There’s no telling if we’re going to make it to a finish line together. But I can tell you that right now, there’s no one I’d rather have in my lane. 

How have you shared your running lane?