Oops.
As they prepare for the Wineglass Marathon on October 4 using the AMR #FindYourStrong Marathon Challenge, Heather and Marianne, two long-distance BRFs taking on their first marathon, are sharing their experiences–and miles–weekly. Find all their posts here.
Heather
A couple months ago, a job posting made its way to me: Director of Marketing & Public Relations for the Akron Symphony. It sounded incredible, and like a reasonable next step in my career. My degree is in music. After graduation, I spent five years doing product marketing for Nike where I managed the $400 million product line that was global boys sport footwear. Wanting to move to nonprofit, I most recently spent five years managing the education program and marketing for an Akron-area nonprofit.
So, to recap: degree in music, marketing for Nike, marketing for an Akron nonprofit.
However, I initially dismissed this job posting. Why?
I didn’t think I was qualified.
And if I’m being honest, I’m not sure that I ever would have thought of myself as qualified. Candidly, I frequently feel as though I got to where I am by sheer luck and it’s only a matter of time before my lack of skills is discovered.
It turns out I’m not alone. In Lean In, the landmark book by Sheryl Sandberg, she talks about how much more likely women are to underestimate their abilities and express caution when seeking out new roles. A man is inclined to reach for that new opportunity, while a woman responds by saying “’I’m just not sure I’d be good at that.’ Or ‘That sounds exciting, but I’ve never done anything like it before.’”
The Director posting kept popping up in my inbox, though – via a friend, an e-blast, a job aggregate – and, with Sandberg’s words rattling around in my brain, I decided to apply. I sent my resume on a Friday, 30 minutes before the deadline, and on Monday morning I had an email from the Executive Director waiting in my inbox. A whirlwind week and a half later, I accepted the position.
It turns out that feeling like a fraud has an actual name: Imposter Syndrome. While it affects both men and women, the latter are far more likely to feel it. And in a ridiculous twist, it seems to be more common the more successful a woman is.
Being a good role model for this feisty little lady helps keep me on track.
The older I get, the more I realize that we’re all faking it. A neighbor recently commented that John and I seem to have it so together as a family; I laughed out loud. I have no idea how to be a parent any more than I know how to be the director of something. Even things I think I’ve mastered – being a wife or a daughter – shift dramatically as children are born and parents age, and once again I feel like I have no idea what I’m doing.
Thankfully, there’s comfort in realizing that we’re all making it up as we go along. And friends, I really mean that; none of us knows what we’re doing. Save for the random egomaniac coworker (and nobody likes them anyway) we’re all faking it, at least to some degree. What we see on someone’s Facebook update is never the whole story, just as the 20-mile run on my Strava feed doesn’t show me fighting the urge to walk with every footfall between miles 14 and 20.
I’m really excited about this position. It’s an amazing opportunity to be right in the thick of the arts scene of a city that is rebranding itself before our very eyes. I get to listen to that community and help figure out how our organization can best serve it. Incredible, right?
So I’ll keep faking it until I make it. Just like I did at Nike, I’ll keep making decisions that I secretly feel unqualified to make, and a couple years from now I’ll realize that I’ve surpassed the goals I set for this position. I’ll keep molding tiny creatures into people and in the blink of an eye I’ll see them holding babies of their own. And I’ll keep putting one foot in front of another and in a month, rumor has it I’ll be a marathoner.
Scenes from Week 14 of training: 1.Tenure means you can proudly wear pro-compression socks at work 2. Some folks from MRTT 3.A beautiful moon.
Marianne
I’ve been at my job for nine years so am yielding the new job talk to Heather in favor of a brief update because I was in a tough place when I wrote last week. I certainly suffered from imposter syndrome the first few years I was a professor but now I can barely remember life before that. (Sort of like how life before being a mom is harder to access in my memory.)
- Running – Other than my inaugural and super fun run w/ a local MRTT chapter, it stayed challenging. Especially the 20 miler. But that actually boosted my confidence because it showed me I could stay the course despite being tired, hot, and already feeling my hamstrings by mile 2. On October 4th these factors are likely to be less of an issue especially the tired part thanks to the taper that begins this week.
- Work – It turns out I didn’t forget how to teach over sabbatical. Phew! Also, I’d forgotten how much I like that part of my job.
- Faith/Grief/Trust – All your comments really helped. Thank you.
I am really loving your posts. Another GREAT one! Why are men more likely to go after a position that they don’t feel qualified for than women?? Women are certainly much more resourceful and able to handle stressful situations…. We are all impostors in a way…. Yes, fake it until you make it, and you will. Loved this.
I have enjoyed following both of your journeys and hope to see you at Wineglass (I am doing the half).
This post really resonated with me. 8 years ago, I was part of our executive director search. I did not feel qualified to submit my own application, which I regretted when I saw the applicant pool. I was certainly as qualified, if not more qualified, than most of the applicants. 3 years ago, the director died unexpectedly, and there I was, ready to step into his shoes. It has been a challenge, but a good one. I no longer doubt myself, and am nurturing my eventual replacement, because she does not feel qualified (which she is).
I’ve never faked anything with my career as a speech pathologist…there’s too much at stake. I love my job and have always been sure I am doing the right thing for my clients…so yeah, I guess I am that ego-maniac person in the office? Hardly. I also never ran a marathon (or further) without giving it my all when training so that I could reach my goals. You can’t “fake” a couple of Ironman competitions or a Rim2Rim2Rim or a Pikes peak either or my swims from Alcatraz….that would have been close to suicide! In short….I don’t’ do anything without preparing for it. Guess that Girl Scout motto always stayed with me.
Thanks for another great post. I love having a name, Imposter Syndrome, for how I feel so much of the time! Good luck to both of you on another week of training!
In reference to a previous comment by Cheryl: Respectfully, I would suggest that you may have misunderstood a primary aspect of this post. This is not about when people do things they have not prepared adequately for, nor about “faking it” when they are actually and truly unqualified to do something. (I agree that would be terrible to do in ANY profession.) I think this was more about the *feeling* of not being qualified enough, the insecurity of whether one has prepared enough, etc. It’s more about how even when we often *are* incredibly prepared and qualified, that feeling and concern can plague even the best employees, the brightest graduate students, and the most gifted athletes. The “fake it” part is more about finding a way to cope with that feeling until the person can let go of that yucky feeling (i.e. “make it”). At least that’s how I interpreted this. I thought it was very insightful and something many people can relate to.
To Gina- guess I can’t relate.
It takes courage to say these things, and I admire you for saying them so honestly. (It’s also nice to know this feeling has an actual name!) Rather than spending our energy constructing stories to make ourselves look better than we feel, we need to say what we actually believe – aloud and in writing – to ourselves but also to other women.
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