On a run at least four years ago, my friend Becky, a mom of three girls, gave me her strategy for Christmas:
I loved that—simple, crisp, not crazy expensive, fairly equal for all genders and ages—but somehow, despite the strategy being all plastered over the internet, I always fail to remember to implement it. (And, simultaneously, tell the family we’re implementing it.)
Instead, I follow this non-rhyming scheme: while chomping on a post-Thanksgiving turkey sandwich, I ask for the kids to make lists and then, sometime between Black Friday and the 24th, buy gifts mostly over the Internet.
As I accumulate random packages from Old Navy and Target, I stash them in the back of linen closet or a file cabinet and hope that I can recall, in a few weeks, what and where everything is. I also hope that I’ve somehow made the present piles relatively equitable, even though having a boy and girl of different ages makes that competition fairly moot.
The whole situation is pretty uninspired and a little chaotic. (And can I just say that typing those previous few paragraphs feels so yuck?)
Right now, the kiddos are 14 and 11. The older girl finally compiled a short list of clothing-related items that are rather pricey, while the younger boy had a hard time coming up with anything. He eventually settled on a new basketball and a “real” music stand: not one that can collapse, but a much more professional one. “One that easily slides up and down,” he explained.
I guess I should admit here that when one of them needs something important, I am fortunate enough to be able to buy it. Having stuffed my feet into too-small shoes for years—and having the bunions to prove it—I am a stickler for buying shoes as soon as I can tell a big toe looks scrunched. The duo break their swim goggles with a regularity that is astounding. I b*tch about the price of new goggles, but always replace them. If their wrists are overexposed in last year’s winter coat, I order a new one.
So no true needs, and no books on their lists either. Although books are never an issue; I do love searching for new books I think they’ll like.
So far, I’ve bought a few things—some on the lists, a few off—but nothing yummy or surprising, nothing that gives me the I-can-hardly-wait-to-give-this gift-because-I-know-they’ll-love-it feeling. I’d love to find a family experience we can share, but scrolling through Groupon and other reliable go-tos hasn’t yielded a jackpot yet.
So this year, this #firstworldstruggle feels pretty real given that I’ve got two weeks before Santa slides down the chimney. I know having a plan a few months ago would’ve been helpful—I think that same thing every December—but it’s obviously not happening this year.
The kids are past the toy stage; I feel like they have everything they need; I want to give an affordable, yet memorable experience; and I have no overall plan. I know Christmas morning, all will be good, but I’d love to put a little splash or structure into this years celebration.
When it comes to offspring gifts, do you have a holiday giving plan?
Themes or predetermined strategies? Do you give experiences or shared family gifts?
Spill them in the comments below; selfishly, I’d love to hear them, and I’m guessing a few other #motherrunners might like a little help too.
I try and listen for comments about things he needs or wants that he does not put on his list because I love a good surprise. Two years ago we decided to splurge and give him a new laptop he would never ask us for, and wrapped it up in a weighted box from my new blender. When he arrived at home I began ohh-ing and ahh-ing over my new blender, telling him he should get one. When he unwrapped the box he seemed genuinely thankful. But then he opened it and we actually got him speechless. I love a good surprise!
My kids are older now, but when they were little they all got a book (or books), dvd of something they loved to watch (my kids are older remember), pajamas and slippers, a cool piece of clothing, a board game, a craft and something they asked Santa for. It made it so much easier to keep track of what I was buying.
Dimity – I love you! I was thinking EXACTLY this over the weekend, and am actually taking my last day of remaining non-holiday vacation time to play hooky from work and try to organize/plan/frantically address this! I’ll be watching for suggestions since I have absolutely nada! :-)
Dear Lord, I do the exact same thing as you. There has got to be a better way….and there ARE, plenty. I just have to put my foot down and do them. But my only child husband thinks that is unfair to our only child daughter. I think something to read, something to play with, and something to wear would make a hell of a lot of sense. Haven’t been able to convince him yet/pull the trigger. Sigh.
As a single mom with a 7 yo son and 9 yo daughter who has played Santa every year of their lives (the past 3 post divorce), this is the first year they will wake up on Christmas morning at their dad’s. He has to be Santa (they both belive), and I get to celebrate with them that night without the Santa madness. This is the first year I was able to stick to a modest budget and I’m following the want/need/wear/read thing. They know I’m on a tight budget (my son told me today that the $ he got this morning from the tooth fairy must’ve been from her because he knows I don’t have any money – sigh). So, I think for the first time in my kids’ lives I’m not nearly as stressed about Christmas, and I think we’re all going to appreciate it more. I also make sure to have some holiday experience rituals: we go to the same pub for 1/2 price pizza before a terrific walking light show, we fo to a children’s theater for a Christmas show or to the Nutcracker (Groupon and certifikid are so helpful), and we always make gingerbread houses and decorate/sing together. Advent calendars are also big in our house, and we do some type of giving back/service project during Advent to help underscore that it’s not all about getting. We’ll see how Christmas itself pans out this year, but so far we’ve had a really nice season. I think it helps to remember that we’re all doing the best we can.
I followed this format this year! The kids produced lists that were short and rather uncomplicated. At first the concept seemed a little spartan and I kept second guessing whether it was enough. Each of my kids ended up picking tags at a giving tree for similarly aged children, the requests for basic needs for the most part. After the experience for shopping for others, the kiddos now have a more realistic view of what Christmas morning should/will look like. We will still have a few extra fun in the stockings but we just don’t need EVERYTHANG. Previously, I found success to picking a theme for gifts, like hiking or camping and working buying gifts in anticipation of a summer vacation trip.
We give three gifts to each child, we have five, and the kids draw names for a secret Santa gift. Our children range from 6 to 18. Being ‘equal’ in the gift giving isn’t appropriate with the age range. We choose to gift items they need and want. We have a tradition of opening pjs and a family box filled with games and activities the whole family can do together on Christmas Eve.
Santa brings small gifts of thing they need. We give them experiences for Christmas and birthday gifts from us. We want to create memories not clutter.
Dimity, I think you stole this out of my own head!! HA HA. Seriously, we really truly did the 4 gifts for several years when my kids were really young. Somehow it spread to a few more presents than the 4, and then more, and then more. My kids, son is 17(!!) and daughter 14, actually gave me good ideas this year. My daughter has become interested in interior design, so I am getting her several items to help her re-decorate her room, sketch pad, and things like that. My son doesn’t really want or need anything, so he said to save the money we would have spent and he is going to add it to his savings for an eventual car. We don’t spend a whole lot, but a couple hundred will give him a jump!
The struggle is real over here. My boys , 12 and 15, literally have told me they have everything they want and have asked for nothing. It’s great, but I want to give them something! I’ve been giving them a family board game the last couple of years. This year it will be tickets to see newsies at our local theater. Also I make them give me a Christmas run where we go out and jog around for 30 min or so and chat.
We do Chanukah, and a little Christmas (I am Jewish, husband is agnostic, with some pagan thrown in). Chanukah changes every year, and this year it starts on Wednesday! So, I am always running :). It is not a super important holiday, nor very gift focused, and as we become more aware of climate change and unnecessary ‘stuff’, we are trying to keep things simple, and mostly hand made, used or from a local producer or maker. We also were lucky enough to buy tickets to California over the holiday, and have let our kids (14 and 16) know that this is basically their present. I am really averse to the emphasis on ‘stuff’ and buying things that may not be really important, but I LOVE giving gifts. So, I try to collect things over the fall and hide them in the closet for when it’s time to give. I do think it’s important to keep the holidays about family and less about ‘stuff’…..
I have one son who is now 21. Despite my best intentions, I over buy. Growing up, actually until my mother passed away in her 80’s, my parents were very generous in their gift-giving. For me the big rule is I have to pay with cash/check or credit cards (an internet necessity) that can be paid off on the next bill. To answer your question, I’d definitely recommend a family board game or two. That would be different and fun! I would start asking for suggestions and reading reviews of more current games, not just an updated version of Monopoly. Good luck! Merry Christmas!
We are fortunately able to provide basic needs and reasonable wants (think bicycle or desk) outside the gift giving window. But this means that my 10 year old daughters wish list is modest and kind of boring. I would love to give that gift that would light her up but short of Hamilton tickets or meeting Lin-Manuel Miranda or Emma Watson, she isn’t going to flip out over anything that I can buy her. She is appreciative of anything that she gets and understands that she is privileged to have a comfortable life. I guess that is all I could hope for.
Another thing, get the bungee cord straps for the goggles. They won’t break. They might get lost ;-( but they won’t break. :-)
I, too, try to follow the “something you want, something you need, etc.” strategy, but it is quickly abandoned. I’m lucky in the sense that I’m a spreadsheet addict, so at the very least, I try to keep that updated with each person’s name, ideas for them (curated throughout the year), budgeted amount, what I actually buy them, and how much it costs.
Can’t say it is always 100% filled in at the end of the season, but it at least gives me a little relief to know I’m kinda sorta keeping track.
The struggle is real here this year, too. I moved 750 miles south of almost all my kids. This means I need to ship Christmas. It is slow pickings this year. I can just not seem to be motivated to think any one item for any of them is “the” gift. Guess I better settle for close to “the” gift.
I have used the strategy above. It works nicely. however, we are very music oriented in our family so I have always added “something to listen to” to the list. it can be a iPod (in the olden days) or other listening device kind of thing, an album/cd/dvd, or even concert tickets. it works well!
Over the last couple of years my sister has inspired us all to give experiences in lieu of gifts. It’s been really fun to give away ice skating times, top golf, (one year was Australia!) This Christmas we don’t have any big experiences to give away, but my girls (13 & 14) have gotten used to us traveling during the year that they know there won’t be many gifts under the tree. So, our family is crazy on Christmas morning with wrapping paper flying and squeals but we definitely have love all year. We want our girls to know the best gift of all is Jesus !
Mine are about the same age as yours but in revers. 14yo boy is getting one thing e desperately wants and then some needs of sort. Like fun tee shirts, socks, underwear (bc I’ve seen disturbingly few of those in the laundry lately), goggles, practice suits, things like that. He doesn’t want much and mostly we get him what he needs. Younger said she only wanted clothes, jewelry, and makeup. She is getting some clothes, training bras (be still my heart), jewelry making kits, and some other stuff. I really love Christmas morning so I often end up wrapping some silly things like socks just to make the process take longer. They also get some things each year that fall somewhere between want and need. For example my daughter loved the soft new blanket I got for my bed. She absolutely has a blanket that is in good shape but she is getting one like mine for Christmas. Oh and Santa always brings each kid an orniment that somehow relates to the year. Little is getting an aqua sparkle mermaid, and big is getting Grute bc that’s what his friends call him.
How about a mystery room game you guys play afterwards?
I used to do exactly as you do. Then last year I forced myself to stop buying early in the season, insisting that the custom team swim bag and warm up jacket were great “big” gifts. Welp, I was wrong, and I still feel bad that my then-9yo had a lame Christmas.
This year I got a few different crafty things, some clothes, and her main gift is a pair of Uggs that she has been told repeatedly that she will not get until her feet stop growing. I think she’ll be really surprised and excited. I’m also going to focus on doing more fun stuff with her during her break, rather than working from home while she is on the ipad…
I grew up in a house where we didn’t get a lot, but we were spoiled at Christmas. I feel like so much has changed since then, though. Everyone buys what they need, when they need it. It makes gift-giving so much more complicated (and stressful, at least for me!).
My kids are much younger, but I love to peruse the local thrift shops to see if there is anything that catches my eye that they will love and relates to their interests even if it is used. I have lucked out so far and found some things. I like to try to buy used over new as much as I can and my kiddos don’t seem to mind – at least not yet. Also, I am trying to implement an idea from a book I read titled “Hundred Dollar Holiday”, by Bill McKibben – Great read! Good luck!
It seems odd, but my kiddo (7) has never really had a huge Christmas list because we have the rule that when something comes in, something goes out. He has never been a fan of “disposable” toys, so he has legos, knex, train track, hotwheels track, and things like that. This year he said he had enough so he asked to go skiing- so we bought new skis and grandma bought lessons. He also said he wanted to go to the Natural History Museum so other grandma is buying our family an annual pass. I love it. One other thing that I have always done is given him a 25$ card to Kiva.org. He gets to choose the project he contributes to, and when he gets repaid he gets to choose the next project. Right now he has quite the account coming in and out.
We have also realized experiences and memories are better than too many toys that end up in the closet in a few days. My kids are younger – 9 and 6. Santa will still bring them 1 you off their list but from us we decided experiences this year. Not sure how the delayed gratification is going to work. For my son we bought tix for the family to see a monster truck show in February and for my daughter we are spending one night at Great Wolf Lodge with the indoor waterpark. Could that work for your kids Dimity or are they too old?