Alana and her Dad in 2017 at the Twin Cities 10 Mile, clearly in the running for the best finish line pic ever.
Success as a runner means I am taking care of my mental and physical health in a way that supports giving to myself and others.
The roles I play are many: runner, mother, self, spouse, daughter, friend, business owner, BAMRbassador. Runner is first because being successful in all the other roles requires success as a runner. I do not mean speed or an undying commitment to a plan, although those are important in their time.
Twin Cities 10 Mile
As a runner, there are races that have a certain place in my heart and a hold on my calendar. One of those races is the Twin Cities in Motion 10 Mile (TC10). I have run the TC10 for the past nine years with my dad; running has given us a common passion. I look forward to the entire weekend: the expo, the AMR shake-out runs, the finding of random friends at the start line, and the post-10-mile cheering of the marathoners. The race course is stunning, the crowd enthusiastic, the joy overflowing.
Because of its popularity, the TC10 is a race that requires a lottery. It’s the perfect distance for runners who want more than a 10k and less than a half marathon. Ten miles necessitates a plan but can be pulled off with a strong base and an imperfect training cycle. I had a guaranteed entry for the TC10 this year – the hottest ticket in town. But I didn’t register. Nor did my dad. I know my father and I are running out of shared races (pun intended).
And… I also know this past year “Runner” has slipped pretty far down the list of roles I play. At this point, it comes after napper, water-treader, coffee-drinker, reader and binge-watcher.
If you’re thinking that this list sounds an awful lot like a woman on the edge, you might be right. Life has handed my family a Series of Unfortunate Events (with a multitude of blessings mixed in).
A short list:
- My oldest graduated but missed the last five weeks of high school because she has been seriously ill with a mysterious liver malfunction for going on three months. She turns 18 tomorrow, and we’re hoping for enough energy to make it through her birthday party.
- We have four weeks left with said oldest before she moves across the country to attend college on the west coast. I’ve stuffed all appropriate feelings about her leaving home into a box and set it aside which, oddly, requires a bizarre amount of energy.
- My parents and bestie all got COVID. One case necessitated us hosting our niece who we have not seen for five years (a genuine blessing that required cleaning a 13-year-old’s room to accommodate a guest). The other necessitated keeping an eye on our yellow-eyed almost-adult to ensure she wasn’t infected.
- Meanwhile I’m the only person gainfully employed in my house for the summer (Cute Husband is a professor). It is hard to be the only person who needs to attend meetings while everyone else is playing.
- Two friends were diagnosed with cancer (schedule your colonoscopy, please), a friend’s husband died, and, quite literally while I was writing this, we received the news that a friend’s father died. None of these events have bearing on my day-to-day life. And they all occupy a significant amount of space in my brain and, especially, in my heart, because I am a human with emotions, and I love these people.
I feel like the star of a one-woman show written for a cast of thousands. I.Am.Tired. Gratefully, this time has taught me that I do not have to be all the roles I play at all times. Runner is now an understudy, someone to step in and perform if it is necessary. I have declined to run the TC10 with great peace. I have no regrets at all of not registering*.
Race weekend will still be filled with all of the same joy. My basement currently houses several boxes of new AMR gear to be sold at the expo. I will join AMR meet ups and grab dinner with Mother Runners from out of town. I will make signs and cheer my heart out.
New AMR Merch for the Twin Cities Marathon + 10 Mile…resting (just temporarily) on Alana’s treadmill.
And, in the meantime, I will do what we all do as runners and mothers: put one foot in front of the other, hydrate, send love to my people, and study my lines. Being a member of the ensemble has never been more welcome; I know Runner will find her lead role when the time is right.
*I reserve the right to find a last-minute bib if October feels less heavy.
“I feel like the star of a one-woman show written for a cast of thousands.” I feel this in my bones. Sending lots of love to you in all your roles.
Alana, I feel all your same feelings! Life has been very hard this year for me and my family, and I’m trying to decide if I should throw my name into the lottery. I’m not sure I have it in me to train for a 10-mile race at this point, but I do love the TC10!
Alana, I love that you put “self” on your list of roles you play in your one-woman show written for a cast of thousands. How many of us forget that? (Me.)
So sorry to hear about almost 18-yr-old’s mysterious liver malfunction.That is scary and sounds so hard.
Runner (or walker, if it comes to that) will always be there for you. Take good care!
PS This is so well-written. You need to add “writer” to your list. :)
Oh you, your plate is full, full, full. Take heart knowing that you’re not alone—this season saw me give up my almost 6-year running streak. Running will be there for us both when we’re ready for it. So much stinking love to you and your beloveds.
So much love. You are amazing!! I cherish you and all of your rolls as each one is magnificent. Hugs, my dear friend! Also, I am so excited to see you in TC!!!!
Oh my goodness, yes! It’s been a year… I’m struggling to find the time and when I do, the energy is not there. (…or I’ve just eaten a huge meal and feel like keeping down.) I decided to join a 10k training earlier in the year; if I pay $99 for a plan and there’s a small group us to hold each other accountable, I’ll do it, right?! Spoiler alert: I didn’t do it. I missed a run during the first week, then another run in the second week, then I felt so guilty about “falling behind” that I just walked away. I am carrying something much bigger than myself and while I say it’s fine and “it” doesn’t bother me, the load gets heavy at times. It feels good to know that I’m not alone. I hope your daughter keep healing and Covid keeps its distance! Thank you for sharing!
Oh my goodness, you’ve been going through a lot! I don’t know where your daughter will be going to school, but I’m in Orange County, CA, and if your daughter will be going to school in this area, I’d be happy to connect with you. It’s definitely nice to have a contact you know in the area who can check on family and help when needed.
Sending love friend!
I’m happy you shared and can receive some healing and resting vibes back from the Alanaverse.
You’re one powerful Mom, with strong friends and family.
I’m lucky to have been invited to read this, and work alongside you, and see what core strength can look like under stress.
If you can’t keep running right now or soon or for a longer time, just keep on swimming swimming swimming.
That’s a lot to deal with–sending restful vibes through the universe to you. I’m here to commiserate, though, on the status of being the spouse of a professor. My husband is also a professor. I get so jealous every year of his extra time away from work and time with the kids, especially now that I have a soon-to-be high school senior whose days at home are numbered!
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