Michelle San Antonio continues our short series of essays we’re doing in August: What I Did on My Summer Vacation. She shares how summer outings have changed as her kids have gotten older, but they’re still just as sweet.
When my kids (now 18, 16, and 12) were young, our summer preparations began in May, with the drafting of our annual Summer Bucket List. We wanted to be ready to do All. The. Fun. Things. Water parks, carnivals, museums, go-karts, mini golf, baseball games, festivals, trips to visit family, day trips to neighboring CT and MA, and of course the beach, our home away from home.
Most days we left the house before 9 am and returned an hour before dinner. It was go, go, go; it took nonstop planning and packing (of snacks, water bottles, sunscreen, extra clothes), and it was a lot of work.
But it was worth it, because I remember those summers like so many of our photos from those days—awash in a golden glow. They were, in a word, magical. Yes, there was whining, complaining, and bickering (So. Much. Bickering.) But just like with marathons, my brain has conveniently forgotten those tough parts and left me with all the joy those months brought.
I was often told I should slow down as the end of summer break approached and start getting the kids to bed earlier to help them transition, but we always did the opposite. We’d go barreling into those final weeks full-speed ahead, checking as many things off our list as we could. One year we got to the beach at 9 am on the final day of summer break, and stayed right through post-dinner jumps off the lifeguard chair in the waning daylight. They went to their first day of school that year overtired, sunburned, and with a little sand still stuck behind their ears.
Then they became tweens, and the tweens became teens, and the transition began. We still made our list, and mostly stuck together, but the list was much shorter and outings with friends often took precedence. Then the teens got jobs, and even when they wanted to hang out with us, trying to find times we were all available became a herculean challenge, as did finding an activity they’d all agree on.
That transitioning led to growing pains of my own. Change is hard, especially when it involves your kids’ burgeoning independence. One day they’re still clamoring around you asking for snacks and wanting to buy something at the gift shop, and the next day they’re driving themselves to work. It’s emotional whiplash.
But this summer we’ve reached a new (if somewhat shaky) equilibrium. I’ve mostly accepted that the majority of our outings will include just one or two kids, and I’m learning to be ok with it. And as much as I miss those magical summers, I’ve come to see the magic of this new phase of life with these full-fledged, increasingly cool humans.
There’s still bickering and asking for snacks, but there’s also thoughtful conversations about interesting topics; sharing of awesome movies and shows that can’t be watched with little ones; exploring Spotify playlists that turn into trips down memory lane (everything old is new again; thanks Stranger Things).
I used to wonder if all that summer memory-making was really resonating with them. Were all the outings and traditions as meaningful to them as they were to me?
Last year, I got my answer. The end of summer was fast approaching and we hadn’t yet gone for one of my favorite outings: drinks on the lawn at the uber-fancy Castle Hill Inn, followed by a sunset picnic dinner at Fort Adams in Newport. I wasn’t sure if we’d be able to fit it in, but with zero prompting from me, my oldest made it known that we HAD to make sure we did. “We have to take the annual photo of us running up the hill with the sun setting behind us. I mean, it’s tradition, Mom. We can’t skip that!”
We didn’t skip it, and I’ve never been happier to take a photo.
Even though there’s no longer a bucket list and much of the summer now just feels like normal, ho-hum days (only hotter), sometimes the stars align and we manage to all get together for one of those special traditions that made the list every year. Those are the golden moments, and the fact that they’re fewer and farther between just makes them glow that much brighter.
Thank you for your story, it reminds me of my own as our kids become teens.
It was a bit hard to read because of the Simply Nurished pop up that blocked the text and couldn’t be closed, at least on my mobile device.
Awww, love this. My little one is only 6, but your piece reminds me to soak it all in…including the craziness. I know I’ll miss it one day!
Yesterday my 20 yo went off to school and just took Soph twins to 1st day. Little teary reading this, because it all hits home. Making memories with older ones is still possible— we took a pic in a restaurant parking lot after a great dinner out and it’s my fave <3
We’re in the midst of working teens now, too. I’ve managed to come to terms with just one or none of our three kids coming along with my husband and me. This brought a tear to my eye. Thank you!
Castle hill is one of my favorites too! I don’t live in RI anymore but I have some great photos of my oldest son there and look forward to bringing the youngest next summer :) and brickleys!!
Your essay resonated with me. With boys ages 14 and 12, this past summer felt very different from previous ones. No bucket list, a month dedicated entirely to travelling for their respective travel teams, and then 3 weeks of high school band camp meant we had only 10 days together for “summer” as a family. Both my youngest and I really struggled with this shift. Next summer we know better what to expect and can adjust our expectations accordingly – and still find the joy in the little times we are together.
As a side note – the pop up for Simply Nourished was annoying as all get out. I could only read the essay 3 lines at a time. Had I not felt so strongly about our own summer transition, I would have given up and not continued reading due to the pop up and constant scrolling I had to do to try to read the screen.
I’m typing from an Airbnb in the finger lakes region in NY. Even though my oldest lives about an hour away he’s about to be a senior in college and finishing up an internship and is unable to meet us this evening for dinner possibly tomorrow! I spent his entire youth preparing him for adulthood and the fact that he’s doing it so well stings!
Just dropped my freshman daughter at college yesterday and today is really rough, feeling like my days of being a mom are done. I’ve raised my kids to be independent and I’m paying for it now. ;-) I feel like they don’t need me anymore so now I’m left to try and figure out what my life is now that they don’t need me to be doing all of the mom things. I feel like this all happened suddenly, there wasn’t a build-up so it’s tough. I’ll keep hoping that my kids find some way to remind me that they enjoyed the memories and the traditions that I tried to gift them over the years.
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