by Kate Walton
Last week I took my daughter Ava to college. I knew this milestone would be hard. Not just the logistics of a 2,100 mile round trip drive from our home in Iowa to her college in Washington, DC hard. But in the next chapter for both of us hard. I am just nuts about this kid, and even though I am so excited for her I am going to miss her so much.
I am training for the Dead Horse 50K in November with Coach Christy in the Train Like a Mother Ultra program. Things have been going consistently well. Staying on track during this hard week was important to me mentally and physically, but I also knew some flexibility would be required.
Workout One – Departure Day
Unsurprisingly, I slept like crap the night before we left. After tossing and turning for several hours, I was out the door early to do my scheduled 4-mile progression run. I had that jangly feeling like I had too much coffee; I was anxious about the miles in front of us and what was waiting at the end of the drive. I executed the progression run as prescribed, but will be the first to admit it wasn’t my best showing.
Later that day, after we covered 750 miles across five states, I couldn’t have been more grateful to have tired legs and that pleasant, exhausted feeling. It helped calm my mind during 12 hours of staring at the windshield and soaking up the one-on-one time with Ava.
Workout Two – The Switcheroo
We stayed overnight outside of Pittsburgh in a hotel just off the interstate: nothing but commercial roads in sight. Wary of the hotel treadmill, I decided to switch my workouts around and do strength and yoga in the hotel gym. My hips and back appreciated the strength and mobility, and I appreciated the time I took to let yoga calm my nervous system a bit.
After my workout and a so-so hotel breakfast we made it to D.C. and began the college move in process. We picked up Ava’s college ID and metro pass and made a visit to the campus bookstore for American University merch for the family. Then we unloaded the car, stacking her things into her way-too-warm dorm room, leaving the unpacking and settling in for the next day.
Workout Three – The National Cathedral Easy Run
The next morning, I headed out for a run after another restless night in another hotel. Mindful of the 75-degree heat, 90% humidity, and the day to come—the physical and emotional load of settling Ava into her new college home—I decided to do an easy run from our hotel down to the National Cathedral and back.
The effort was a struggle. I was overheated and preoccupied; my legs were heavy and my heart just wasn’t in it. I came *this close* to hopping on a scooter and taking a ride back to the hotel. Pure stubbornness kept me putting one foot in front of the other; I wanted to stay somewhat connected to my training schedule. Some fellow running tourists snapped a picture for me at the Cathedral, and I made it back to the hotel under my own power.
Ava and I headed back to campus to put away her things and finish building her nest. Then, after a final Target run, there was nothing more to do but say goodbye to my daughter and let her begin the process of settling in without me hovering around.
I drove out of town, toward home, through tears of sadness, pride, and excitement.
Workout Four – The One That Didn’t Happen
Overnight in a Cleveland suburb, I woke up at 5:30 am feeling sad and lonely. I wasn’t sure where I was. Plus, it was pouring rain.
Tired, sore, and out of sorts, I ditched my intended run—10 x 1-minute intervals with a warm up/cool down, a nod to the track workout that was on my schedule for the week. Instead, I headed for the shower and coffee, and pointed my wheels toward home.
This is maybe the most important, unscheduled rest day I have taken in my training cycle. My body was tired and my heart was heavy.
Experiencing these competing feelings of sadness, excitement, pride, happiness, and sentimentality is uncomfortable. I know I’ve spent the last 18 years preparing for Ava to take this step. I am so proud of her and excited for all the opportunities she is seizing.
Apart from being her mother, I really like her as a person. I am going to miss her presence at home, her energy, her observations, and her kindness. I want her to step fully into this next phase of her life and I wish she were still here. A wise friend told me these feelings are all based in love and connection to my daughter, and they all deserve their time.
For this, and many other reasons, I am so grateful to be a runner. To know how to move forward when things feel hard and to know how to meet myself in tough places. To have a snack, drink plenty of water, and take a break if you need to… but then, go forward.
awww, great job with doing ALL of the hard things!! I live outside of DC so if there’s anything your daughter needs I’m happy to help ease the transition :)
This was beautiful, Kate. Well done, on the piece, and on the kiddo.
Thanks for this! Dropped off my first at college this weekend as well and so glad to have running and this group as an outlet.
This was exactly what I needed to read right now, after taking my daughter to college in Tucson from our home in Michigan! ❤️❤️❤️
Hugs!! I dropped off my first kid (my daughter) at college this week. I agree – 18 years spent together and poof, this day comes and no matter how much you’ve prepared for it, it truly is a gut punch when it happens. Hope your days are getting better. I’m still working on it!! I’m so thankful to be a runner too.
What a great read, Kate! Dropping our youngest off next week so I’m there with you – lots of us are! And your words beautifully hit the spot! Come to MN for hill work for your training — weird to say that I know! But we’ll make it fun!
Great writing! I dropped off my son back in May after her graduate. We are military and we had to move from FL to CA last year so he finished his senior year online (like everyone else!). Flying home for his graduation and knowing that I was leaving him there with family to get him settled in before college was hard bc I love him as my kid but also I love him as a person and I genuinely miss having him around the house. I ran a bunch when we were back in FL but my mind wasn’t in any of the runs. I cried the whole flight from FL to Chicago. The flight from Chicago to San Diego was free of tears but still a heavy heart, tinged with excitement for him about what was to come!
My first son left for college 14 years ago. I remember the runs along the Charles River in Boston. Once home in Florida I had a lump in my throat for 3 weeks. But a strange thing happened, our younger son flourished in the void that was left. Lovely story!
Congrats on the first step. It gets easier as the years quickly go by. As I read this, I am in a hotel getting ready to drop my son off for his senior year. I have a special connection with him and leaving is always hard. Yes, I still cry and so will you, but they are happy tears. Your daughter will lover American! My daughter went there and loved her 4 years.
Great post! Said goodbye to my Ava a few weeks ago. I find it helps to have a specific plan with a date of when you’ll see her again. Hang in there Mother Runner!
Beautiful post!
Thank you so much for sharing. It is comforting to know other moms are going through the same tough emotions I am as I move my daughter to start college. I am already missing her beautiful presence at home but excited for her new adventures and the chance to spread her wings.
Thanks so much for sharing this. There is something about saying goodbye to the daughters— especially the ones we like that make it so difficult. I love that you have running as a distraction and time to clear the headspace of sadness and stress. No doubt it will carry you through.
Thank you for sharing this story! Ava is lucky to have you. I praise you for giving yourself grace during the transition week!
I love this story and how you listened to your body!
This was such story……LOVE this so much
definitely feeling this one, Love this! Good luck in the next few weeks, they are…weird.
Having launched five kiddos with three married, it’s amazing how they “come back” to you in times of need as well as even more fantastic adults! You have launched her well and loved her well. I promise it’ll be even better and sweeter on the other end of college. Just a long wait….Until then, enjoy the rest of the training for that amazing 50K!
Beautiful story, Kate. I’m so excited for your daughter