I’m sorry I’m slow.
“I’m sorry I’m slow” are two things I wish a certain mother runner would stop saying.
“I’m slow,” she’ll say before joining you for a run. “Sorry!” she’ll say if she bumps your elbow. She’ll tell you about a race, prefacing it with “I’m slow”—even if she placed in her age group!
It drives me nuts! Stop apologizing! Stop saying you’re slow!
Okay, okay, the sorry slow-talking mother runner is me.
I know I’m not alone. I hear my (female) running friends say “slow” and “sorry” all the time too! Why?
Well yes. Mantra of the tortoise: Just keep moving.
Women apologize more than men because they think they’ve committed more apology-worthy offenses and they think their perceived offenses are more apology worthy. This according to an oft-cited 2010 study in Psychological Science, which launched a whole anti-apologia movement.
In other words, we’re harder on ourselves!
The problem with “sorry” is that I (like many women) say it almost like a default tic as I move through the world. Sorry sorry, sorry I said sorry. GAH!
I’m trying to use “Excuse me” instead of “sorry” when, say, threading the needle of a crowded grocery store aisle.
Of course, I don’t want to banish true apologies—tell your brother you’re sorry you broke his [really important thing]!—or expressions of empathy—I’m sorry your brother broke your [really important thing]!
Context matters. That’s what Deborah Tannen, Georgetown linguistics professor and author of You Just Don’t Understand: Men and Women in Conversation, told the New York Times in “No, You Don’t Have to Stop Apologizing.”
My context is running, and I want to stop apologizing for being “slow.”
What is “slow” anyway? My “slow” may be your fast. My “fast” would make the guys at Letsrun snigger and call me a “hobby jogger.”
[Would somebody please make me a “hobby jogger” T-shirt?]
While recovering from an injured hip, I have been enjoying a lot of walks with BF Rick and Mother!
Run for many years, and I promise you today’s slow will be tomorrow’s fast.
It is worth noting that all the elite women runners I had the privilege of interviewing over the years—Grete Waitz, Shalane Flanagan, Kara Goucher, and others—expressed nothing but utmost respect to runners less fleet than themselves. So there.
When I said something embarrassingly self-deprecating after finishing last (again) at a speed session at my then-employer Runner’s World, coach Budd Coates yelled, “You’re not last! You’re ahead of everyone who didn’t come out here today!”
“Like body acceptance, pace acceptance can come from shifting our focus from external metrics and others’ perceived judgments to how we actually feel in our own skin,” Danielle Friedman wrote in a paean to slow running in the New York Times. (Which honestly was a tad too apologetic for my tastes.)
Happy and healthy! Daughter Nina graduated from high school yesterday and heads to Barnard College in the fall. Yippee!
I’m feeling prickly about this right now because I just came back from the longest three months ever recovering from a strained hip flexor and psoas muscle. I am so grateful to be running (hobby jogging) again I could weep. Yet I hesitated to reach out to my BRF because “I’m slow” and I don’t want to impose upon my friend my mindful recovery pace, which I like to call tai chi running. “I’m sorry.” GAH!
When BRF and I finished our first run together last week, I of course apologized for the slow pace, and she said, “That felt so good. I could run that pace all day.”
YES! Running should feel so good! Isn’t that the point?
And context does matter. My mother says, “I’m sorry I’m slow,” at the start of every walk, but it’s less apology and more “hmpf, just deal with it.” HA! And then she goes on her mandatory 1-mile minimum walk.
So here’s my self-imposed challenge:
Replace “I’m sorry I’m slow” with “I’m happy I’m healthy.”
Just what I needed today! Thank you
Ummm…Tish, you’re anything but slow. But the message is appreciated. And congratulations to your daughter!
Ha! It’s all about perspective, right?
Women apologize way too often for way too many things that don’t warrant an apologize. I remind my girlfriends all the time, no apology needed but it’s a really tough habit to break. I long for the day when we can truly see ourselves through our best friend’s eyes. Turtle on.
It’s SUCH a hard habit to break!
I hate the word “slow”. Everyone’s slow is someone else’s fast. When I make plans to run with friends (or friends-to-be) I try to get people to use paces without commentary. “I plan to run 5 miles at 9:30 pace.” – No judgement in any direction! For some people, that’s far and fast and for others it’s short and slow! The thing is – I adore “conversational pace” and I *want* to run “slow” with other people – no apologies necessary.
Paces without commentary is genius! ❤️
Thank you Tish! Just what I needed to hear today (running grandmas half tomorrow). I just recovered from a running stress fracture and am just so happy to out there again!
Yay! Hope you enjoyed Grandma’s!
Yes! It is a habit I repeatedly try to break for myself and to help others to do so. It is all relative! We’re all runners and running at different paces…for all sorts of reasons.
I do run slow, as a matter of fact I’ve been crossing over to run/walking as I feel life keeps getting in my way. At 66, I’m still apologizing way to much but consider myself a constant, evolving work in progress. All that matters is “I Can still do it” … no apology needed!
Love this! Also love the advice to replace a “Sorry!” with a “thank you” – “Thank you for running my pace today!” Just like every race is a race – no “just” a 5k, every pace is a good pace.
Slow is the new fast ;)
My pace slowed dramatically in the last 18 months. When I told my (much younger) GYN at my appointment last June, she (another mother runner) was appropriately sympathetic. We both felt that much of it was due to flagging hormones, but she also dug in on my blood work to make sure we weren’t missing anything. It felt so good to be heard and not judged. While my pace will never be what it was, it and my achy joints/poor sleep/hot flushes have improved with some HT. I have my annual exam on Monday, and I’m happy that I’m in a better spot than I was a year ago.
It’s good to apologize for real transgressions, but I’m with you that we need to stop being sorry about our pace (amongst other things). We are out there living active lives and setting good examples for our families. May whatever pace we are running help us to stay healthy and have true quality of life until we cross the ultimate finish line.
Sure. I’m slow and I mostly walk. I also did my first race of any distance when I was 64 years old and 16 years later have done more than100 races of half marathon or longer distances and have been in the top three in my age group in more than half of them. (Not my fault the other old women don’t do the same races I do.) For those who think that nobody should take longer than X number of hours to complete Y distance, I challenge them to do a race with my at my pace and see which one of us will feel better at the end. I’m pretty sure it won’t be them. YMMV.
Wait a minute! 64 + 16 = 100 races? You are my new hero! ❤️
Great article. I’ve replaced “I’m sorry. I’m slow,” with simply “I’m kinda slow” when it occurred to me that there was absolutely no reason to apologize for my pace. It’s a couple of minutes a mile slower than it was 15 years ago, but then again I’m still out there putting in the miles and doing it with 2/3 of my right lung!
YES! I struggle with this SO very much! I hesitate to even tell people I love to run because I have such imposter syndrome! For the longest time I wouldn’t allow myself to buy a pair of Oiselle Rogas (Oiselle anything, actually) because I didn’t feel like I was “runner enough” to have them. RUNNER ENOUGH?! WHO AM I TO SAY THAT TO MYSELF?! WHO DO I THINK I AM?! …but guess what? I bought the shorts and I wear my Rogas with great pride. I no longer go to their website and say “when I get that sub-10 mile, I’ll be allowed to…”. No. I DESERVE TO ADMIT THAT I AM A RUNNER. AN ATHLETE! Olympic Gold may not be in my future, but that shouldn’t take away from the fact that I run. (Run, hobby jog, whatever…) :) Thank you for this wonderful post!
Hearing other runners say, “I’m sorry, I’m so slow,” and then doing a 5 mile run at a sub-8:00 pace destroyed my confidence as a brand new runner. I thought, wow, if they’re slow, I’m an embarrassment. I no longer join local group runs because the “I’m slow” people – are not.
I stopped apologizing for everything except the occasions where I accidentally do something that truly needs an apology. Running an 11-13+ minute pace isn’t one of them. Do I wish I were faster, like my younger self? Sure, as I often end up running alone even though I start with a group. But, I’m out there and enjoying myself and I’m healthy and that’s worth celebrating, not apologizing for!
I say this ALL THE TIME and on EVERY run with my BRF!🙁
I’ve done really well to stop saying these words as I often find myself telling others not to discount ANY Of their efforts. When a friend says they have completed a run and immediately says “it’s not where I want to be” I want to stop them right before they say this. You achieved the effort or milestone – celebrate that and not what you haven’t done yet… you’ll get there.
We discount so much of ourselves by our own state of mind – I’m working on it.
In April of 2022 I ran the Boston Marathon in about 6 hours – I made NO apologies for this :)
Celebrate fast, slow, walking, running, it all counts!
Cheers, Heather