Seneca Lake, which is close to the route for the Wineglass Marathon.
As they prepare for the Wineglass Marathon on October 4 using the AMR #FindYourStrong Marathon Challenge, Heather and Marianne, two long-distance BRFs taking on their first marathon, are sharing their experiences–and miles–weekly. Find all their posts here.
This week, Marianne is taking on a word that seems to often lead to stress or guilt or uncertainty: ENOUGH. (Heather will take it on in a future post.) Why Enough? It has been popping up in our conversations around running and life in general; we figured it might be an issue for some of you as well.
The hardest part about writing this post is deciding which ways I want to discuss enough.
Should I talk about feeling like one child is/is not enough?
Perhaps about how many publications on basic memory research are enough for me to consider myself a solid scientist?
Or whether or not I’m already over-committed when the semester hasn’t started yet because I get excited about new ideas rather than saying I’m doing enough?
Or just how many activities are enough for a weekend?
A clear sign you might need to work on the concept of enough is when your other bff, Gina, gives you the book The Power of a Positive No for a birthday present.
I’d like to say I’ve already read it; if reading the intro counts, that’s a little bit true. But finishing it is still on my list of things I want to achieve before the fall semester begins.
But I can’t say no to running.
For a long time, I would describe myself with phrases like “I run” or “I run slowly” or “I run but it’s really just for the social aspect.” I rarely called myself a runner as a noun because somehow I didn’t have enough of something that I couldn’t articulate (speed? commitment? medals?). This was my language, despite plenty of evidence to the contrary including:
- Waking up at 5:30 am or earlier to run.
- Running when the temperature is in the teens. Or, these days, even when the temperature starts with an 8.
- Owning more running clothing and accessories than any other category of clothes in my closet.
- Having done enough races to have pre- and post-baby PR’s in a few distances.
And if calling myself a runner wasn’t hard enough, there was the idea of using the word athlete as a descriptor that was so implausible I actually worked with a wellness coach to embrace the term.
Somewhere around 2013, after years of consistent running, I was okay with calling myself a runner but to me athlete signified ambitious goals, greater proficiency, and a different body. Doing my first triathlon finally convinced me otherwise. The announcer described us (accurately) as triathletes. Not just single athletes, but tri-athletes. That was enough for me to stop with the “do I do enough for it to count?” mind game.
I do.
The other enough on my mind comes from the two-year anniversary of my mother’s death on July 8th. She entered the hospital where she would eventually die on July 1st. Needless to say, the first week of July is hard for me.
However, I was extraordinarily lucky to be able to be with her for several of those days, including until just minutes before her death. We had enough time to talk including her assuring me that she was not afraid to die, a tidbit that has come in handy on many occasions when talking to a four-year-old about the concept.
This candid taken by a friend at my wedding is one of my favorite pictures, and it shows just how alike we look. She had recently finished her second chemo session from the initial round of cancer. She wore a wig because her hair was already falling out. Previously she told me this was one thing she hoped wouldn’t happen, but later she revised her thinking to be excited to test out life as a redhead.
During her initial treatments in 2007 (a mastectomy, 6 “hard” and 12 “easy” chemo sessions, and several weeks of radiation) and then the recurrence from 2011-2013 (in her bones, then abdomen, then liver), my mom never said enough until the last 3 days, when hospice was the clear answer.
During the final year, this baffled me. She was so very ill. Why keep fighting? Why keep taking treatments that were only delaying the end, not fixing the problem? Why agree to more meds when the tumor had grown in her liver while under oral chemo?
After her death, someone answered without my asking. She commented that my mother saw life as this amazing party that she did not want to leave, even if it meant continuing treatments that made her so sick. Talk about knowing where your enough line is drawn. For her, it was only when there was nothing else to try.
My mom with a 1 month old Joyce
But how does her enough relate to my enough? Primarily, it has to do with the fact that though she was “Mom” to me, she was “Joyce” to the rest of the world. I spend much time wondering how I will teach my Joyce enough about the woman for whom she is named.
Just your usual Joyce and Mom math dictionary reading time.
I want to use the recent picture above as my example. It is enough to sit and read, to be together, to listen, and to act with love.
I need to remember that my appearance is not the only thing I got from my mother. I also learned from her how to be a mother, how to care, and how to live.
She did more than enough. Odds are, I will too.
Do you have an enough line? What defines your idea of enough?
Wow!!! An amazing post….your mom would be so proud to read such powerful impactful words. Interestingly, I wrote a post a couple of months ago called “Great Enough” about when is great enough actually good enough? And for me, it seemed like if I am asking the question what next, then I still know there should be more. Why do we have such a hard time calling ourselves runners and athletes when we don’t have any hesitation in calling other runners/athletes who may be “doing less” that? There is so much food for thought in this post! Thank you!!
Great post. You’re the best! And certainly “enough” :)
Wonderful!
This beautiful. You have more than enough of the most important thing…love.
This was such a great post! Thank you for sharing. Your mom reminds me so much of my dad. He passed away from cancer after six years of being brave and battling to the very end. He never did enter hospice although he probably should have. My mom took him to the hospital the morning of his death. He was only there for a couple hours and then he passed. He didn’t want to leave his family, I knew that without a doubt but he was also at peace. It just so happens that he was a runner and he inspired me to run. It’s hard for me to say I’m a runner…I hope I get over that soon! ;)
The word “enough” probably varies daily and contextually for everyone- hope you get through a tough July. I can’t imagine missing my mom as she is still with me at 88….
I have been running for 44 years and doing triathlons for 33 but never call myself a “runner”, “triathlete” or “athlete”. I let those who do things like that professionally to take those titles.
I definately think the answer to the question “why keep fighting?” is totally answered in that picture of your mom holding newborn Joyce….to have that moment….who could say “enough” of that! Thank you!
This is a post to share. I will be doing that! Thank you.
Your post was beautiful. I borrowed that book about two weeks ago from our corporate learning library. Boundaries and “Enough” are probably more common to busy women than we realize.