Formula 1 car about to make a pit stop

Would that I could be this racer.

Rather than tell you which three actual things are rocking my running world lately, I want to tell you the three things I dream about for my next race. Before I can do that, you need to know this: my newest obsession is Formula 1. Yes, the very flashy cars that go around and around and around tracks in places like Monaco, Azerbaijan, the U.K., and Singapore.

I know. I didn’t see this coming, either. But Netflix suggested I might like Drive to Survive, which is a docu-series that goes behind the scenes. I thought Netflix’s algorithm was out of its digital mind. Still, I watched the first episode of the first season with the expectation that I’d nope out of it ten minutes in. Instead, I am obsessed, so much so that I’ve started watching the actual races and have, like, opinions about the teams.

Well played, algorithm. Well played, indeed.

While I don’t give a hoot about the cars — my main criteria for a good car is one that starts — I do give all the hoots about the drama. There’s so much money and prestige on the line that all of these guys (and it is mostly guys) are quirky in interesting ways. It’s a study in different kinds of management styles and coping mechanisms as well as a real life study in what crushing levels of pressure can do to someone whose only job is to go really, really fast. 

Plus, the scenery — both in terms of location and of F1 drivers — can’t be topped.

What your average F1 driver looks like, illustrated by Nico Rosberg

I mean …

I’ve adopted some of the F1 lingo for my own amusement. Warming up is now “getting some heat in the tires.” “Box, box,” which is what the drivers are told when they need to hit the pits, is what I mumble to myself during an unscheduled bathroom break. 

Unlike an F1 driver, my racing life does not involve going really, really fast. But there are three things from the sport I’d love to see.

  1. A pit crew. In less than two seconds, these teams can change all of the tires. What runner wouldn’t give up two seconds for a change of clothes and a new water bottle. I’d even give two more for a total wipe-down with a cool cloth. 
  2. Replacement parts. Every team has back-ups of every component of the car. Damage your front end? Let’s just snap another on during a pit stop. Need a new engine? We’ve got one right here! Have plantar fasciitis? Here’s a new foot made just for you. 
  3. A race engineer. A whole team keeps an eye on the car’s performance, the optimal strategy, and the driver’s morale. All of that is funneled to the race engineer, who is a calm voice in the driver’s ear. I want my own race engineer, one who will remotely monitor my hydration, motivation, and heat levels so that I don’t have to retire from the race prematurely.  

Those are the three things that only exist in my running dreams. What would you add?