It’s Mother’s Day All May, an essay series for May that explores the intersection of parenting and running. Enjoy!
Although I ran before I became a mother, it was only after I had two kids that I considered myself A Runner. In the fog of new motherhood, it was sometimes difficult to know where I ended and my kids began. Wanting to grasp onto something that defined me apart from my kids, I dove into running like I never had never before.
I had dabbled in the sport up to that point, but when I discovered the magic of setting a goal, completing a training plan, and devoting time to something that was about me and me alone? There was no turning back.
The number of races I entered ramped up steadily during my kids’ toddler years, and my times got faster as I educated myself and trained with a purpose. I fully embraced my competitive side during this time period, and my accomplishments gave me a tangible reward and sense of success that is sometimes tough to find as a stay-at-home mom.
We were thrilled to find out I was pregnant with our third baby in spring 2008, and I intended to keep running as long as I could while pregnant. Sadly, at 8 weeks, we learned the pregnancy wasn’t viable. The following week, I ran a local 5K. Running and racing was my saving grace, helping me process the emotional toll the miscarriage had taken, and allowing me to channel the energy and intensity of those emotions.
I found out I was pregnant again the following spring, only to again be told in the early weeks that the pregnancy was not viable. I can’t even summon the words to describe how devastated I was. I ran a 5K the weekend before my scheduled D&C; that race helped me begin to heal emotionally.
Running helped me survive and move beyond that terribly sad phase of motherhood, reminding me that my body was strong and healthy, and I could still count on it to carry me forward. Running wasn’t just providing me an identity; it was providing me the space to heal.
Thankfully, a healthy pregnancy followed in 2009, and I continued running and racing, including a triathlon at 13 weeks and 5K at 30 weeks. Running while pregnant made me feel strong, empowered, and unstoppable. More importantly, it provided much-needed alone time, which I savored, knowing I’d soon be spending my days with three children instead of two!
With delivery and postpartum healing behind me, I got back to racing with a vengeance. I needed the structure of the strictly scheduled runs that populated my race training plans. Those plans gave my life a framework, just as future races gave me events to look forward to other than storytime and playdates.
A few years later, I cheered my older boys on in middle school cross country races and convinced them to run a few 5Ks with me. They didn’t take to running the way that I have. Our family 5K days are behind us, but I will forever savor those races we did together.
About four years ago, the number of races I entered started to decrease dramatically. For the first time in my running journey, I was really and truly happy just to run, with no goals and no plans. As I so easily let go of something that had propelled me for so long, I wondered why I didn’t seem to need all those goals and numbers anymore.
It came down to this: as my kids got older, their steady march up and out sped up rapidly. And when the teen years hit, the space between us that was nearly indistinguishable when they were toddlers had suddenly become a yawning chasm.
They were and are busy at work establishing their own identities, as they should be. And I’ve already established mine. I know in my heart that no matter what pace I run or how many races I enter, I am and always will be a runner. I don’t have to prove that to anyone anymore.
Which is not to say I’m done racing and competing. On the verge of turning 50, I’m feeling the itch to get out and race more this year, and I hope that I can turn in some good performances.
But if the numbers aren’t what I hope for, I’ll truly be o.k. with it. The evolution of this mother runner has led me to a place where I understand that simply running the miles is its own reward —and all the other stuff is a happy bonus.
Beautiful tribute to motherhood!