When we moved into our current house and unpacked the kitchen, we put dishes and utensils in places that initially felt logical and called it good enough. But after living in the house for a while, it became clear that the mugs really should be closer to the coffee pot and the knives ought to rest near the counter with the cutting board. So we swapped a few things around for the sake of efficiency.

In theory it was a brilliant move, only my brain didn’t get the memo. For weeks afterward when I went to pour a cup of coffee, my autopilot hands opened the cabinet where we used to store the mugs and I would scold myself for being so forgetful. It turned out old habits really do die hard.

As much as I love a fresh start and new intentions—and the new year is the granddaddy of fresh starts—it can feel demoralizing when you don’t achieve what you set out to do. With the end of January here, these are the days when resolutions crash and burn and slipping back to old ways just feels inevitable. (See the previous paragraph.) It feels like a good time for a pep talk.

Adding more outside miles in 2024 is definitely on my list

You are not a bad person
Believe it or not (and please believe it!) your self-worth does not depend on how well you stick with a resolution. You’re a wonderful, beautiful human whether or not you run a 5K every month or declutter your home room by room or quit eating sugar. What you are is someone who wants to change certain habits in their life, but whether or not you succeed at that has no bearing on your worth. So if you’ve reached the end of January and feel like a failure because you already broke your intentions, let’s back up a bit and reframe that message you’re telling yourself: You’re still a work in progress.

January 1 does not hold the trademark on fresh starts
People like to give January a lot of power, as if it’s the sole starting line for changed behavior. If we can’t uphold our resolutions in January we throw up our hands and think, “I guess I can’t do it. There’s always next year.” Let’s let the other months of the year have a turn at self-improvement and remember that every day is a new opportunity to try again. Quit thinking you’ve failed by day 25 when what you’re really looking for is long-term consistency. Did you reach your goal 70% of the time? 50% of the time? Isn’t that a heck of a lot better than 0%?

More adding, less subtracting
Resolutions by nature tend to be restrictive, and restrictions tend to be a bummer. I’ve learned I do better by adding things to my list of goals rather than trying to take things away. Instead of less sugar, I aim for more protein. Instead of less Netflix, I strive to spend more time with friends. Not less eating out, but more consistent family dinners. It helps if you can scratch the itch of what’s important to you. What are your values? How can you inncorporate more positive additions that reflect those values? And here’s some good news for you: You still have 11 months in 2024 to figure that out!

I already cook a lot, but I resolved to be more intentional with meal planning so I could spend less time at the grocery store

I hope it helps to know I am on this journey with you. My Type A husband states a goal and hits his target every time—but I am not that person. So if you’re feeling bad about dropping the ball on your resolutions, know you’re in good company with me. Case in point: I really wanted to quit procrastinating this year but here I am writing this post at the last minute. Hey, there’s always February.